Sunday, May 22, 2011

Happy birthday Lena!

It's German singer Lena Meyer-Landrut's birthday, but we love her so she gets first-name privileges on our blog.


We all fell in love with her last year because she was so darn cute, and this year, she's grown up to be hot:






Sadly, her entry at the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest didn't do nearly as well:



For what it's worth, I think it's a good, clever pop song, but in the Eurovision environment I suppose one expects a bit more bombast, and we found ourselves waiting for the song to take off. When it didn't, it felt a bit anticlimactic. Also, I think most of Europe fell in love with her happy, quirky stage personality, and when that was missing, it sort of contributed to the anticlimax.



But anyway, not only is she the most beautiful ESC winner from this millennium, she also won with the best song. Happy birthday Lena!

The Most Beautiful Woman in Puppetland


One of the greatest minds in television and performance art to this day is Paul Reubens, most beloved for his creation of the magical world of PeeWee's Playhouse.  It is the only show for kids that is just as inspiring for adults, and is creative and playful beyond compare.  I will never be able to determine which character, or even which minute detail of the show I like the most, but we all know who the sexiest lady there was - Miss Yvonne, played by the delightful Lynne Marie Stewart.  You can see Lynne Marie today on another show we love, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  

Glamorous from head to toe, Miss Yvonne lived up to her title as the most beautiful woman in puppet land.  Everyone had eyes for her, including Hermit Hattie, the mountain woman.  Miss Yvonne had a signature style - featuring big hairdos, plenty of makeup, puffy tea-length dresses, and bosom-celebrating necklines.  Usually the outfits also bestowed some outrageous pattern or theme, often including glued-on plastic pieces, flowers, and small toys.


Like all of the characters on the show, Miss Yvonne possessed a fascinating world all her own, and provided the boys and girls who watched it a means to a lesson.  Any of the many cast members had enough enigmatic quality to steal the show, but instead they all worked to form a cohesive yet busy and fascinating world, successfully suspending our disbelief  in its fantasy while also teaching us about ourselves. 



The older I get, the more I realized that my entire concept of aesthetics and beauty were specifically created by this show.  In present day, the lavish sets and bight colors are just as appealing as in my youth.

Friday, May 20, 2011

O, Fortuna


We at BC/HF are the desperate sort.  As sensualists, we are easily swept up in fantasy.  We develop ridiculously elaborate fantasies and crushes and cultivate debilitating standards reached by almost no one, especially not our existing sexual partners.  When real people fail to fulfill fantasy, we fall instantaneously into the notion that the human race is a lost cause.  The good news, however lacking in reassurance, is that we are not alone.  While we pine and long and fear for an eternity without love (sexual, romantic, or platonic, and all specifically tailored), our struggles are not ours alone, and we see time and again scenarios of fake real-life people getting just what they want.  These are obviously catered to the needs of the lonesome and heartsick such as ourselves, and it's most common name is pornography.  It takes more forms than the obvious, though...

The tricky part is yet to come.  While we may easily say that we would willingly accept proposals from fictional partners - say David Cross wanders up to you in the locker room "Did anybody order a pizza pie?  We're all out of bread sticks" - the fact of the matter is that in real life we would be totally creeped out and offended.  Something about the fantasy world possesses far more safety and sanity than potential actual scenarios, and the few people who have EVER approached us voicing humbly simple desires outright, have been turned away without hesitation.  What hypocrisy.  

Then there is the matter of actual fantasy scenarios, should they play out for real.  As much as I would theoretically like for these events to occur - an appealing dishwasher repairman is welcomed into my house and we have ample time alone with one another - I highly doubt that my nerves would allow for a fantasy to play out in real life. This is an all too frustrating notion, especially when I have heard young men, time and again, boast of what they would do if only they could get their hands on this or that highly adept pornstar.  BC and HF are unanimous in our preference for Eva Angelina over all others in her field...

It is obvious as to why - she wears glasses, also, she makes a lot of passionate noise and it is clear that she truly enjoys her job (we like to think that we can tell one way or the other with pornstars) ....But I'm pretty sure we would both be way too intimidated to even speak to her, let alone partake in fantastic, tantalizing turn of events.



Often upon watching a movie with my brother, there is a a scene that pops up in which either a desirable event transpires, or perhaps the characters are attacked by an outlandish force and defend themselves poorly.  Shortly after the scene ends, my brother is ready with critique beginning each time with "Man, If I was there..." followed by his description of the optimum way the situation could be handled.  I always argue with him about this because I believe that if he were truly in a dangerous and highly unnatural situation, his first intrinsic thought would not be to grab his gun, it would be more along the lines of freezing in terror or shitting to death, as my reaction would also be.  Granted, BC-HF typically talks most of the way through any movie, and we are full of commentary and suggestions.  It is for this reason it does us no good to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000.  However, we like to think that our feedback is at least humble, and more often than not we will marvel at someone's expert handling of sticky situations, and are ready to admit our own lack of prowess.


Somehow, we are only able to suspend our disbelief for certain scenarios, and a fraction of the time.  We may often dismiss something as unrealistic while wanting for another unnatural thing, seemingly with complete reasonableness.  As much as this enrages us, however, we contend that wanting and fantasy is an integral driving force that both keeps us alive and plants the seed to our own suffering.

Uh Oh! Don't Let It End Like This!

The world comes to an end tomorrow (or at least that is what some morons believe) and to honor this, I figured I would share some pictures of what the world will be like when the shit hits the fan.

Zombies will run amok!  Biting and tearing at your flesh.  They will be led by their fearless leader:

We are so screwed...

Our only hope comes from the men and women of the cloth.  Those who know the secrets to controlling Zombie Jesus.
Without their magical powers (and giant boobs), we will never be able to see such marvelous sites as these wonderful ladies.
Can you imagine a world without boobs?  It would be horrible.  It would be a barren, desolate land.  There would be nothing to look forward to and nothing to love for.  I can only hope that this disaster can be averted before the world ends up looking like this.
Or more accurately, like this:
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

New Movies Playing!


Pirates of the Carribean:
On Stranger Tides
What's It About?
The 4th installment in the Johnny Depp/Captain Jack Sparrow/Pirates of the Carribean adventure series.
 

Trailer:



PREDICTION:
"POTC4 looks fun of course! It looks like the most extravagant part in the series with the addition of mermaids and zombies! It's always a treat seeing the drunken Captain Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp up to his old hijinks--- unfortunately Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) aren't returning--- surprisingly Penelope Cruz joins the cast instead. The POTC series could have ended perfectly with POTC3 but it seems like Captain Sparrow refuses to die!"





*


Midnight in Paris
What's It About?
A couple visiting Paris are drawn apart from each other.
 

Trailer:



PREDICTION:
"Woody Allen's latest film--- looks as fun, funny and charming as most of his movies. This looks very mysterious as well--- what captivates Owen Wilson's character so much?!"




*

What's It About?
A dancer from a small town comes to the big city and gets caught up in the fast world of video-modeling.
 

Trailer:



PREDICTION:
"It looks pretty good--- accept that it looks more like it's made-for-t.v. Meagan Good is a good choice for the lead role solely because of her looks--- but if a bigger star a la Beyonce took on the role, the film could be way bigger than it will most likely turn out to be."



*


Cost of a Soul
What's It About?
Two ex-Iraq soldiers return home to their war of a neighborhood.
 

Trailer:



PREDICTION:
"It looks pretty good--- a different spin on soldiers lives post-war."





*


Louder Than A Bomb
What's It About?
Documentary on four Chicago h.s. teams competing in the largest youth poetry slam.
 

Trailer:



PREDICTION:
"It looks fun and inspiring--- particularly for all the poetry slam/poetry fans out there."



*


Bloodworth
What's It About?
A man returns to his family years after he left them.
 

Trailer:



PREDICTION:
"Even though Kris Kristofferson looks like he gives a strong performance--- the the film looks too uninteresting for it to matter."







***
E N J O Y
*the*
M O V I E S
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Best New Movie Poster of the Week

(Official poster of upcoming movie Midnight in Paris.)


WHY THIS POSTER IS GREAT!:

*Owen Wilson's character "within" Vincent van Gogh's "The Starry Night" painting.




***

A question for Zionists

Playboy interviewed veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas, who recently lost her job because of her comments on Israel. Unsurprisingly, Playboy's interview generated some disgustingly vitriolic feedback, one piece of which reiterated an old Zionist argument: Israel is the ancestral homeland of the Jews, which they have continuously occupied for millennia. The Palestinians, as most famously put by Israeli prime minister Golda Meir, are a made-up people.

I'm quite deliberately leaving out the Biblical part, because it's the same thing as saying that Israel belongs to the Jews because God said so, a position also put forward by Golda Meir. Anyone who thinks they are privy to information from God qualifies as insane and isn't someone that can be reasoned with.

If you accept this argument in favor of Israel's unquestioned right to its territories, are you also in favor of abolishing the United States of America? After all, the Native Americans have inhabite their ancestral homelands continuously for millennia, and certainly the Americans are a made-up people. They're just a bunch of Europeans who showed up a couple of hundred years ago and conquered America for themselves. At least the Arab conquest happened well over 1,000 years ago; by those standards, the people who call themselves Americans today are newcomers. So if the Arabs living in Palestine have no right to be there, surely the Americans of European, African or Asian descent who form the vast majority of the population of North America have even less right to their current homes. Obviously, if over 1,400 years of living in Palestine doesn't make Palestinian Arabs a "real people", then how can a few hundred years in North America mysteriously create the "Americans"?

Certainly the same must go for the European and African-descended populations of Latin America and the Caribbean as well: if Arab Palestine isn't a real country and a real people, then there's no way something like Brazil or Peru is.

Where, in fact, do we draw the line? Will most of Britain have to be vacated? After all, the Angles, Saxons and Jutes only showed up in what is now England slightly before the Arabs took over Palestine. The English, as a made-up people, will be forced to leave, and the Welsh, Scots and Irish can divide up the islands among themselves. Can the Germans and French stay, or will they need to head back east as well? The question of the Slavs is even trickier, because no-one's quite sure where to count that from.

So if you accept the Zionist argument referenced here, you really have to be in favor of a very large-scale rearrangement of the Earth's population. Resetting everything to the criteria given will involve moving around a billion people, because if the Arabs had no right to be living in Palestine in 1948, there's no way in hell today's Americans have any right to be living where they are now. In short, this is an unworkable and monumentally stupid argument that no-one can seriously advocate as a justification for territorial claims. We simply cannot accept the idea that if a people were living on a certain territory c. 600 CE, their descendants, or people who claim to be their descendants, have a right to that territory over everyone else. Also, to maintain that a people who have lived on a certain territory for over a millennium aren't a real nation is to maintain that many other nations aren't real, either; most explicitly, if there are no such people as the Palestinians, then it's clear that there are no such people as the Americans, either.

That this argument can be put forward at all is testimony to the sheer idiocy of the debate on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. No reasonable person should stand for it.