The Axis powers scored a potentially decisive victory over the Allies in Belgium last weekend, as Finland, Italy and Germany took the podium at the Belgian Grand Prix at Spa. The highest-placing Allied driver, Mark Webber of the Australian Imperial Force, only came in ninth.
The F1 series, a global conflict being stage-managed by a diminutive man with dictatorial powers and funny hair, will next break out in Italy one week from now. Britain's Jenson Button leads the championship, with the Pact of Steel of Rubens Barrichello and Sebastian Vettel not far behind.
Despite near-universal agreement that Kimi Räikkönen won the race, the Finnish government has strongly denied participating in F1. "Mr. Räikkönen was not driving in the Belgian Grand Prix," Finnish foreign ministry spokesman Dr. Korhonen insisted. "He was driving a separate Grand Prix series and merely happened to find himself on the same track as the other drivers. This was pure coincidence. Any suggestion that Finnish drivers are participating in Formula One are false, and stem from an inability to understand Finland's unique strategic position." McLaren's PR department supported the Finnish government, openly scoffing at reports of a second Finnish driver in the race.
This year, the constructors' championship is firmly in Allied hands, although their lead in the drivers' series is not secure. French team Renault won two consecutive drivers' championships before surrendering, leaving the series a free-for-all with consecutive Axis and Allied victories in the drivers' series and an Axis-dominated constructors' series.
The strategic landscape of F1 is set to change next year with the United States entering the conflict, but hopes for a strong initial showing are not high. The United States team is widely considered to be inexperienced, and is expected to take time to fully mobilize their potential. Until USF1's application to join the F1 series, US motorsport had been governed by the Monroe Doctrine, limiting F1 to a maximum of two races in North America and restricting American drivers to the isolationist Champ Car imitation series and that thing where they drive around ovals.
Also in the wake of the Belgian GP, Pakistan's Minister of Defence (below) has accused India of destabilizing the region after Force India took their first podium. Minister Turgidson claims that the success of the Indian team has led to the creation of a dangerous "motorsports gap".
Pakistan is responding to what the Minister of Defence called "irresponsible Indian escalation" by founding several kart racing series, but UN officials are trying to broker a strategic racing limitation treaty to stop a "motorsports race" between the two countries.
Meanwhile, reports that South Korea has secured funding for its 2010 Grand Prix did not seem to concern North Korean representatives. They scoffed at the decadent practice of driving cars, pointing out that North Korea has no cars, or indeed anything motorized whatsoever, and is still the world's third-largest economy, with a higher standard of living than Japan. A reporter who questioned their figures was shot. Also, North Korean representatives pointed out that the Great Leader, Kim Jong-il, had previously set a lap time of 1:44.82 around the Spa-Francorchamps circuit, a full two seconds faster than Sebastian Vettel's fastest lap in this year's Grand Prix, and furthermore, the Great Leader set his time on foot.
The next race is set for Sunday, September 13th, pending an FIA investigation into possible French use of Brazilian kamikaze pilots in last year's series. By international accord, the practice of fielding a completely inept second driver for the sole purpose of causing destruction on the track is permitted only for the now defunct Super Aguri team.
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