I cant tell you how many times

i get reminded about my appearance

while walking down Hollywood blvd.

Today is the second day we had nice weather

in more then three months.

The purpose of my large straw hat is

to conceal my skin from the harsh sun.

Its job was to shield me from the world

yet i can still hear the cat calls

still i avoid eye contact with

strangers passing by.

I know they're admiring me,

but i don't feel flattered.

They say that beauty's only skin deep

and though i don't know who "they" are

i hope they're right.

I want people to look at me and see

the ugly and crude and rude.

i want to be so naive that i forget

the naked eye cant see past the exterior.

I doubt people look at me and instantly know

that i steal.

My first impression doesn't scream

chain smoker

pot head

insensitive

selfish or bitch

but something much more surreal.

I long for simplicity

I want to be innocently admired

but here i am no longer a child.

now i have to decide if i want to take advantage

of this curse