O, Fortuna

We at BC/HF are the desperate sort.  As sensualists, we are easily swept up in fantasy.  We develop ridiculously elaborate fantasies and crushes and cultivate debilitating standards reached by almost no one, especially not our existing sexual partners.  When real people fail to fulfill fantasy, we fall instantaneously into the notion that the human race is a lost cause.  The good news, however lacking in reassurance, is that we are not alone.  While we pine and long and fear for an eternity without love (sexual, romantic, or platonic, and all specifically tailored), our struggles are not ours alone, and we see time and again scenarios of fake real-life people getting just what they want.  These are obviously catered to the needs of the lonesome and heartsick such as ourselves, and it's most common name is pornography.  It takes more forms than the obvious, though...

The tricky part is yet to come.  While we may easily say that we would willingly accept proposals from fictional partners - say David Cross wanders up to you in the locker room "Did anybody order a pizza pie?  We're all out of bread sticks" - the fact of the matter is that in real life we would be totally creeped out and offended.  Something about the fantasy world possesses far more safety and sanity than potential actual scenarios, and the few people who have EVER approached us voicing humbly simple desires outright, have been turned away without hesitation.  What hypocrisy.  

Then there is the matter of actual fantasy scenarios, should they play out for real.  As much as I would theoretically like for these events to occur - an appealing dishwasher repairman is welcomed into my house and we have ample time alone with one another - I highly doubt that my nerves would allow for a fantasy to play out in real life. This is an all too frustrating notion, especially when I have heard young men, time and again, boast of what they would do if only they could get their hands on this or that highly adept pornstar.  BC and HF are unanimous in our preference for Eva Angelina over all others in her field...

It is obvious as to why - she wears glasses, also, she makes a lot of passionate noise and it is clear that she truly enjoys her job (we like to think that we can tell one way or the other with pornstars) ....But I'm pretty sure we would both be way too intimidated to even speak to her, let alone partake in fantastic, tantalizing turn of events.



Often upon watching a movie with my brother, there is a a scene that pops up in which either a desirable event transpires, or perhaps the characters are attacked by an outlandish force and defend themselves poorly.  Shortly after the scene ends, my brother is ready with critique beginning each time with "Man, If I was there..." followed by his description of the optimum way the situation could be handled.  I always argue with him about this because I believe that if he were truly in a dangerous and highly unnatural situation, his first intrinsic thought would not be to grab his gun, it would be more along the lines of freezing in terror or shitting to death, as my reaction would also be.  Granted, BC-HF typically talks most of the way through any movie, and we are full of commentary and suggestions.  It is for this reason it does us no good to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000.  However, we like to think that our feedback is at least humble, and more often than not we will marvel at someone's expert handling of sticky situations, and are ready to admit our own lack of prowess.

Somehow, we are only able to suspend our disbelief for certain scenarios, and a fraction of the time.  We may often dismiss something as unrealistic while wanting for another unnatural thing, seemingly with complete reasonableness.  As much as this enrages us, however, we contend that wanting and fantasy is an integral driving force that both keeps us alive and plants the seed to our own suffering.