Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Friday, January 6, 2012
Why we get wasted on New Year’s
Our Dec. 31st hedonism is the last remaining relic of an ancient Roman carnival of debauchery
Felisa Rogers
Saturday, Dec 31, 2011
http://www.salon.com/2012/01/01/why_we_get_wasted_on_new_years
Soccer balls bulge beneath the men’s polyester skirts and blouses to create exaggerated breasts and derrieres. Their masked faces are resplendent with rouge and eye shadow, wild like plumage. Trumpet, trombone and tuba players garbed in maroon polyester suits play rousing banda, and the men shake their tousled pink and blond wigs. Their dance is a lewd, thrusting affair, accompanied by the glad-handed twirling of tuxedoed dance partners dressed as evil businessmen, who leer at the crowd with sinister rubber masks.
Incongruous on the stately town square of Dolores Hidalgo, Guanajuato, the baile is but one of many unexpected mini-fiestas we’ve encountered as we travel through Mexico during the winter holidays. The grotesque dance is a far cry from the yuletide tableaus we’ve come to expect in the U.S., but perhaps no less bizarre: adult men dressed as women with huge asses versus adult men dressed as “Christmas elves”? Who’s to say? Although I never found out exactly what the dance in Dolores Hidalgo signified, it is likely a holdover from the wild holiday traditions of ancient Europe and Mexico.
Across ancient Europe, the yuletide holidays were a free-for-all, made dicey by role reversals: The poor invaded the homes of the rich, men dressed as women, and the lord bowed to the peasant. The 12 days of Christmas, from Dec. 25 to Jan. 7, were set in the mold of the Roman holiday Saturnalia: The holidays were a period of truce, when old grudges should be forgotten (at least temporarily), and anger swallowed. But despite all this brotherly love, the Christmas season had a sinister playfulness, similar to the original concept of trick-or-treating. Echoing Saturnalia’s public ridicule of society’s laws and customs, rowdy bands of peasants invaded the manor, demanding food and drink. In exchange, the lord received his subjects’ blessings and goodwill for the coming year.
Sometimes revelers brought the booze with them: In the British Isles, wassailing was a popular and alarming part of Christmas and New Year’s Eve. The word “wassail” comes from the Old English “was hal”: “be thou hale” or “be healthy.” The phrase was originally a greeting, but naturally the boozy Brits soon turned it into a toast : “was hale!” followed by the proper reply: “drink hale!” A poem written in 1066 describes a Saxon toast before the Battle of Hastings:
Rejoice and wassail
Pass the bottle and drink healthy
Drink backwards and drink to me
Drink half and drink empty.
By the 17th century wassailing was a holiday tradition. Girls gussied up in holiday finery would carry a dubious alcoholic punch (usually spiced beer with apples) from door to door. The wealthy were expected to drink a toast and offer the wassailers payment in return. Far from the beatific carolers of today, the mobs were known to get unruly: Wassailers would prank or menace householders who refused them booze or money.
British colonists brought wassailing and drunken “trick-or-treating” to the shores of America, where all walks of life adopted the New Year’s Eve traditions. A French visitor to the New York colony was alarmed when the house was accosted at 4 a.m. by a mob of children, servants and slaves who fired a musket and threw stones at the windows. The Frenchman was tired and attempted to ignore the racket, but finally the nature of the situation was explained to him: “Mr. Lynch got up and came into my chamber to tell me that these people certainly meant to do me honor, and get some money from me. I desired him to step down and give them two Louis; he found them already masters of the house and drinking my landlord’s rum. In a quarter of an hour, they went off to visit other streets, and continued their noise till daylight.”
No doubt the Frenchman’s next day was also eclipsed by rum. The Dutch had introduced a more civilized but equally drunken New Year’s Day tradition of open houses, in which city dwellers opened their doors to strangers and friends alike. New Year’s Day tables were laden with cherry bounce, coconut jumbles, rum-soaked doughnuts, honey cakes and fruit in white-wine jellies, and visitors could expect hot toddies, rum punches, eggnogs, peach cordials or sangria. Guests were expected to eat and drink at each stop, which led to great booziness.
At the time, these New Year’s traditions were just a small part of the rowdy American Christmas season, which retained its vaguely sinister European flavor. The two-week season had its abstemious detractors: Puritans railed against Christmastime as a pagan abomination and banned the holidays in their townships. Cotton Mather himself wrote disapprovingly: “”Feast of Christ’s Nativity is spent in Reveling, Dicing, Carding, Masking, and in all Licentious Liberty … by Mad Mirth, by long eating, by hard Drinking, by lewd Gaming, by rude Reveling… ”
Mather no doubt was equally horrified by New Year’s Eve, which always marked an apex of drunken revelry. This is true around the world and throughout time: Although the New Year is celebrated from June to January and from Tallahassee to Timbuktu, almost all cultures have used the passing of one year to the next as an excuse to really party. Take for instance the fine old Sumerian tradition wherein the king had public sex with the high priestess of Ishtar, symbolizing the conception of Ninkasi, the goddess of beer.
In ancient Mexico, the New Year was an exception to draconian Aztec laws. During the rest of the year, only specific sects were allowed to drink: You could hit the pulque (fermented agave pulp) if you were a nobleman, an extremely old person or a pregnant woman; for the young able-bodied commoner, drunkenness was punishable by death. An exception to this code was allowed every fourth New Year for Pilahuana, or “The Drunkenness of Children,” a festival in which godparents adorned young children with parrot down, pierced their ears, and accompanied them to watch their first human sacrifices. Afterward, everyone got wickedly drunk.
In Mexico today, people no longer go in for drunken kids and human sacrifice; a typical New Year’s Eve celebration consists of a late dinner with the family, followed by a midnight Champagne toast, amazing castillo fireworks and partying. Many families still practice the Spanish custom of eating a grape and making a wish for each chime of the countdown to the New Year. Other Mexican New Year’s superstitions include physically sweeping out the old year with a broom and wearing different-colored underwear to bring on various types of luck in the new year: white for good spiritual vibrations, red for luck in love.
The modern Mexican take on celebrating the passing of the old year and the coming of the new is representative of most countries’: a mix of superstitious ritual and heavy drinking. The Japanese say goodbye to the old year in December with “forget the year” drinking parties. The New Year’s holidays, or Oshogatsu, are more sedate family affairs that reflect the universal belief that actions during the first days of the New Year will influence the coming year: Debts are paid, disputes are settled, and houses are cleaned. Families gather to eat soba noodles for longevity and wealth and drink taruzake (sake aged in a cedar barrel) and toso, a medicinal sake that is supposed to ward of sickness in the new year. In accordance with an ancient imperial edict that the use of alcohol is prescribed by heaven, Chinese New Year traditions involve a similar mix of ceremonial drinking and eating. Food and alcohol are served to the spiritual guardians of the household, and parties toast with cognac.
In the United States, New Year’s Eve is the only night of the once bacchanalian winter season that still retains its hedonism, with the expected outcome of serious inebriation. When it comes to New Year’s Eve, Americans are short on superstitious traditions and long on drink. In modern America, New Year’s Eve is the drinking holiday (which is saying something when one considers the vast estuaries of beer consumed on the Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo). But New Year’s Eve is special because it offers a certain carte blanche for stupid behavior. New Year’s Eve is the Las Vegas of American holidays.
Americans were not immune to the worldwide rise of Champagne in the 18th century. During the belle époque, holiday advertisements touted Champagne as the drink for celebrations. By the 20th century, a New Year’s toast was hardly complete without Champagne. Washington socialite Mrs. Evalyn Walsh McLean took things to the next level with her 1937 New Year’s Eve party, where guests consumed 480 quarts of Champagne.
Champagne was queen, but in true American fashion, ethnic enclaves added their own flavor to the party. A guest celebrating New Year’s Eve 1939 with Cuban friends recorded: “We spend several hours in a small café, eating Cuban sandwiches and mixing Cuba Libres with Ronrico and Coca-Cola. There is a jook-organ which offers a selection of eight records of Cuban music, and two records of American music. There are couples present who dance the rhumba again and again. Estrella and Pedro dance the rhumba also. Apparently they are both enjoying themselves.” If the guest had wandered a few buildings down, he might have found Austrians eating marzipan pigs and toasting with Feuerzangenbowle (aka “flaming fire tongs punch”). Scottish immigrants brought Dundee cake, black buns and Hogmanay punch (apple cider and whisky) to the table. African-Americans prepared lucky New Year’s Day dishes such as black-eyed peas and collard greens, but eventually fell prey to the Champagne dream. A 1983 issue of Black Enterprise magazine recommends pairing Champagne with soul food, stating: “Only Champagne can reign like royalty over gala affairs and celebrations. Only Champagne can take ritual holidays and refashion them into moments of pure joy.”
Although it’s debatable that Champagne is a necessary ingredient for moments of pure joy, one thing is certain: New Year’s Eve offers a rare excuse to engage in the sort of carousing that we once viewed as a significant and inalienable yuletide right. Drink hale!
Felisa Rogers studied history and nonfiction writing at the Evergreen State College and went on to teach writing to kids for five years. She lives in Oregon’s coast range, where she works as a freelance writer and editor.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Significa 1-5-12
Kool Websites
Watch Live Baseball
http://www.watchlivebaseball.com/
Tune in to Watch Baseball Live Streaming online on your pc with instant access payments...
Watch Live NBA Online
http://www.watchlivenba.tv/
Watch all the top NBA games through high quality online streams...
The Jinn
http://www.thejinn.net/
UFO, alien, poltergeist, demon, ascended master, space brother, monster, Watcher, nephilim, reptilian, Grey, Bigfoot, ghost....
We don't actually know a single thing about life on other planets. Scientific evidence that extraterrestrials visit us doesn't exist.
Our belief that they do is fantastic modern mythology in the making.
However, there is enormous evidence that deceptive entities are masquerading as extraterrestrials.
There are unseen creatures that we share this Earth with.
They don't come from other planets.
They've been called many names: aliens, spirits, Etherians, Ultraterrestrials, and more.
In the Koran they are called the Jinn.
Information about the Jinn reads like a textbook description of UFO and other paranormal phenomena.
Discovering these entities gives you an essential key to understanding paranormal phenomena.
They are the major players behind our myths and most perplexing mysteries.
UFOs aren't extraterrestrial -- They're extradimensional.
*
Celente’s Trends Proven Accurate; What Will 2012 Bring?
Gerald Celente
Trends Research
December 16, 2011
“Wake-Up Call” Trend: The Decline of America trend is nowhere near bottom, and the worse is yet to come.
One year later: “Worse” has happened, as the country piles up more and more debt, politicians are gridlocked, paralyzed in some perpetual political traffic jam of inaction.
“Crack-Up 2011” Trend: Teetering economies will collapse, currency wars will ensue, trade barriers will be erected, economic unions will splinter...
One year later: The Sovereign debt crisis threatens both the European Union and Euro, currency wars are underway and the US and China are trading trade barbs.
“Crime Time” Trend: No job + no money + compounding debt = high stress, strained relations, short fuses. Hardship-driven crimes will be committed across the socioeconomic spectrum by legions of the on-the-edge desperate who will do whatever they must to keep a roof over their heads and put food on the table.
One year later: Thieves are stealing copper piping and cables, cooking oil and temple donation boxes; “Criminal recycling” is flourishing; in 2011 a record number of cyber crimes is reported to the FBI: more than 23,000 per month.
“Screw the People” Trend: As times get even tougher and people get even poorer, the “authorities” will intensify their efforts to extract the funds needed to meet fiscal obligations.
One year later: In the two-tier American justice system, the long arm of the law only reaches down to the low hanging fruit. Banks are slapped with slap on the wrist fines for billion dollar crimes, and like Jon Corzine, no crime time. But swift justice is readily dealt out for small time crimes. From closing down lemonade stands operating without a license to swat teams busting raw foods cooperatives, in America, Justice means “just us!”
“Students of the World Unite” Trend: “University degrees in hand yet out of work, in debt and with no prospects on the horizon, young adults and 20-somethings are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it anymore.”
One year later: Occupy Wall Street is just one of the scores of worldwide student protest movements, some of which have proven powerful enough to bring down governments.
“Crackdown on Liberty” Trend: A national crusade to “Get Tough on Crime” will be waged against the citizenry. And just as in the “War on Terror,” where “suspected terrorists” are killed before proven guilty or jailed without trial, in the “War on Crime” everyone is a suspect until proven innocent.
One year later: TSA strip searches of little old ladies; Obama backs bill “authorizing indefinite military detention of U.S. citizens.”
“Journalism 2.0” Trend: With its unparalleled reach across borders and language barriers, “Journalism 2.0” has the potential to influence and educate citizens in a way that governments and corporate media moguls would never permit.
One year later: Aleksai Navalny, an imprisoned young Russian blogger/Twitterer with some 200,000 followers, is “credited with mobilizing a generation of young Russians through social media, a leap much like the one that spawned Occupy Wall Street and youth uprisings across Europe this year.”
“Cyberwars” Trend: The demonstrable effects of Cyberwar and its companion, Cybercrime, are already significant – and will come of age in 2011. Equally disruptive will be the harsh measures taken by global governments to control free access to the web, identify its users, and literally shut down computers that it considers a threat to national security.
One year later: Iran proudly displayed a sleek, white U.S. drone that was used for spying on Iranians; Iranians were able to capture what US military officials privately told Bloomberg was a Lockheed Martin RQ-170 by hacking into its security code; PayPal shuts off service to WikiLeaks.
Gerald Celente was spot on with his Top Trends 2011. No one else came even close. To get a heads up on “History before it happens,” you’ll want the Top Trends 2012.
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Why the Smell of Cinnamon Makes You Spend Money
Retailers know how to manipulate all our senses — and that includes our olfactory ones
Martin Lindstrom
December 16, 2011
http://ideas.time.com/2011/12/16/why-the-smell-of-cinnamon-makes-you-spend-money
Lindstrom's latest book is Brandwashed: Tricks Companies Use to Manipulate Our Minds and Persuade Us to Buy.
Every December, you vow it’s not going to happen and yet, without fail, you return home from your Christmas shopping with far more than you intended. Do you ever wonder why? The answer might surprise you, because you’ve probably been seduced by something you can neither see nor hear.
It was a perfectly normal kind of day when I was first struck by that feeling of Christmas in the air, the one that links directly to childhood anticipation of the festive season. The odd thing was that it was early November, yet my need for tangible symbols of the festive season had bitten like a bug. I studiously hit the streets of my neighborhood in search of the perfect tree. I bought decorations and wrote Christmas cards, only to realize that Nov. 5 was a little early to be mailing them.
I was astounded by my behavior. After all, I’m a 41-year-old man who’s long since stopped believing in Santa Claus. So what was it that led me to this neat pile of cards ready to be mailed a good six weeks before Christmas? In my attempt to understand, I went over the details of the days leading up to my own personal Christmas frenzy, and I tracked the origins of it back to a brief window of time as I changed flights in the Zurich airport. I noticed the duty free shops were already full of the colors of Christmas. There was a ginormous tree topped by a gleaming star, surrounded by images of Santas and reindeer and sleighs. But surely it would take more than clichéd icons to turn me into a Christmas zombie?
Not having anything else to go on, I investigated further. Turns out I was on the right path, for the truth of the matter was to be found in the mechanisms behind the displays. To be more precise, carefully camouflaged tubes strategically placed amongst the tinsel and glitz were piping in the sumptuous smells of Christmas: a perfect mix of cinnamon and pine.
Although it seemed I’d gotten to the nub of the issue, I was still perplexed. I mean, can a tube dispensing cinnamon and pine really compel me to embrace the Christmas spirit way ahead of time? Surprisingly, yes. Dr. Gemma Calvert, who is an expert in modern brain imaging based in Oxford, England, discovered the remarkable ability smells have to reactivate childhood memories. She exposed a group of volunteers to cinnamon and then viewed their reactions, using an fMRI scanner. As they breathed in the sweet spicy scent, their brains fired up — including the region responsible for authentic emotional engagement. It seems cinnamon is one of the main ingredients associated, over time, with baking and cider-making rituals and can kick-start an emotional journey whenever it wafts our way.
So while it might seem as though retailers are concentrating on everything that delights your eyes and ears, they also might be surreptitiously enticing you to buy more through your nose. And they might not even be doing it in a sneaky manner. This season, Trader Joe’s, Publix, and other supermarkets are prominently displaying heavily-scented “cinnamon brooms” by the check out — large, smelly bunches of twigs to hang inside your home and anoint with cinnamon oil when their pungency starts to fade. At Bed, Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, and other big-box stores, cinnamon-scented pine cones for sale greet you as you walk in the door. Take these items home and you might even get the urge to rush out shopping again. Christmas is in the air — quite literally!
Lindstrom is a marketing consultant and the author of Brandwashed. The views expressed are his own.
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Konformist Book Club
The World's Greatest Conspiracies
http://www.atomicbooks.com/index.php/worlds-greatest-conspiracies.html
$21.95
Too unsettling to be buried in the shadows for far too long, the Pandora’s Box of information unleashed in this completely updated and expanded expose proves you just can’t get away from Them. Hidden agendas, massive cover-ups, diabolically sinister plots—if you can handle it, the lowdown on the latest right-under-your-nose conspiracies is right here, including: - 9/11: Islamic terrorism...or inside job? - George W. Bush: The real powers behind the leader of the free world - Atlantis Rising: the deep and wide mythology of a “lost” civilization - Elvis: Still everywhere, with new King-size theories aplenty - Cuidad Juarez: Who—or what—is behind the unsolved serial killings of more than 90 women in this otherwise sleepy border town? - Dick “Darth” Cheney: Dr. Evil for the New Millennium? - And many others that will have you looking over your shoulder With the sordid truth finally leaking more and more into the nightly news, this provocative compilation is crucial reading for seeing beyond what They want you to believe. Whether you’re a cynic or completely certain, this walk on the wild side will convince you of one thing: You should be very, very nervous. “Fills a desperate need in this paranoid era.” —Wired magazine
Jonathan Vankin / John Whalen
Publisher Citadel Press
Page Count 844pp
Publication Date June 29, 2010
ISBN 978-0806528786
The Man Cave Book
Jeff Wilser
Kindle Price: $9.99 includes free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
Paperback $10.19
What separates the men from the boys? The Man Cave.
Boyhood Fort Vs. Man Cave
Who's allowed
Boyhood Fort: Not girls—they have cooties
Man Cave: Not women—they have authority
Primary materials used in construction
Boyhood Fort: Wood, stuff your mom doesn't want
Man Cave: Particleboard, stuff your wife doesn't want
Key activities inside
Boyhood Fort: Goofing around, avoiding responsibility
Man Cave: Goofing around, avoiding responsibility
Peak periods of use
Boyhood Fort: After school, weekends
Man Cave: After work, weekends
Slumber parties with buddies?
Boyhood Fort: Yes
Man Cave: No
Food and beverages consumed
Boyhood Fort: Soda and unhealthy snacks
Man Cave: Beer and unhealthy snacks
Spend the night inside?
Boyhood Fort: Not as a habit, but it's been known to happen
Man Cave: Not as a habit, but it's been known to happen
Money spent on space
Boyhood Fort: As little as possible
Man Cave: As much as possible
Is this a phase you will outgrow?
Boyhood Fort: Yes
Man Cave: No
The Man Cave Book is a tribute to great and glorious man spaces and the craftsmen behind them. Complete with instructions and insights into creating your own unique refuge and shrine to beer, sports, and everything else that's right with the world, this is an essential manual for any man cave enthusiast.
About the Author
A former USMC Reserves squad leader and the author of The Maxims of Manhood, Jeff Wilser is a regular columnist on dating, nightlife, and pop culture who has contributed to GQ, Esquire, Glamour, MTV, and VH1.
Format: Kindle Edition
File Size: 8251 KB
Print Length: 192 pages
Publisher: HarperCollins e-books; Original edition (April 19, 2011)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
Language: English
ASIN: B004U73C1S
Text-to-Speech: Enabled
Amazon URL
Kindle Edition:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Man-Cave-Book-ebook/dp/B004U73C1S/thekonformist
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/Man-Cave-Book-Jeff-Wilser/dp/0062003925/thekonformist
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Awesome Quotes
“You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of this country, much better.”
Matt Damon on Barack Obama
"The sound of five pretentious old guys joylessly grinding out sub-shoegaze drone and patting themselves on the back for being 'subversive.' It's more out of touch than a bunch of CEOs starting a drum circle at an Occupy rally and as sonically disastrous."
Entertainment Weekly, in naming the Lou Reed - Metallica collaboration Lulu the worst album of the year
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YouTube Greatest Hits
Tiger Woods Amazing Miracle Shot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHMPpZVOfbI
16th Hole at the 2005 Masters in Augusta...
The Dark Crystal, Part 1 of 8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMnFMAF_0RQ
All eight parts are available...
Bill Hicks: On Letterman (1993)
The Cut Set
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vf340K_Ed0o
In honor of what would be his 50th birthday on December 16th:
http://alchemicalarchives.blogspot.com/
Hicks constantly faced problems with censorship. In 1984, Hicks was invited to appear on Late Night with David Letterman for the first time. He had a joke that he used frequently in comedy clubs about how he caused a serious accident that left a classmate confined to a wheelchair. NBC had a policy that no handicapped jokes could be aired on the show, making his stand-up routine difficult to perform without mentioning words such as "wheelchair". Hicks was disappointed that the TV audience didn't get to experience the uncensored Bill Hicks that people saw in clubs.
On October 1, 1993, about five months before his death, Hicks was scheduled to appear on Late Show with David Letterman, his twelfth appearance on a Letterman late night show but his entire performance was removed from the broadcast — then the only occasion where a comedian's entire routine was cut after taping. Hicks' stand-up routine was removed from the show allegedly because Letterman and his producer were nervous about Hicks' anti-religious jokes. Hicks said he believed it was due to a pro-life commercial aired during a commercial break. Both the show's producers and CBS denied responsibility. Hicks expressed his feelings of betrayal in a letter to John Lahr of The New Yorker. Although Letterman later expressed regret at the way Hicks had been handled, Hicks did not appear on the show again. The full account of this incident was featured in a New Yorker profile by Lahr, which was later published as a chapter in Lahr's book, Light Fantastic.
Hicks' mother, Mary, appeared on the January 30, 2009, episode of Late Show. Letterman played the routine in its entirety. Letterman took full responsibility for the original censorship and apologized to Mrs. Hicks. Letterman also declared he did not know what he was thinking when he pulled the routine from the original show in 1993. Letterman said, "It says more about me as a guy than it says about Bill because there was absolutely nothing wrong with that."
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Retropedia: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
http://www.retroland.com/santa-claus-conquers-the-martians
Earthlings have long held an affinity for the jolly bearded fellow in the red suit that hands out Christmas presents each year. Is it any wonder that other planets might just be a little jealous that we haven’t shared St. Nick with the rest of the galaxy? Well, that all changed in 1964, when the Martians took matters into their own hands in the campy sci-fi classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It might not have given Citizen Kane a run for its money in terms of quality, but that hasn’t stopped numerous generations from gleefully embracing this one-of-a-kind B-movie that remains popular to this day.
The poor kids on Mars have a tough life, what with all of that forced educational programming that has left them little freedom to have fun. Luckily, they are allowed access to some good ol’ Earth television and, as a result, have become enamored by famed North Pole resident, Santa Claus. One particular set of Martian parents, Kimar and Momar (dad and mom, respectively) become aware of this trend, thanks to their kids Girmar and Bomar, and bring their children’s fascination with St. Nick to the attention of the all-knowing Martian, Chochem, who realizes the importance in letting the children of Mars have a little fun in their lives. To that end, he instructs the Martian leaders to head over to Earth and kidnap the famed Kris Kringle.
The idea is to have Santa set up shop on Mars and start churning out toys for the kids, but that doesn’t sit well with one particularly cantankerous alien named Voldar, who would rather see Santa killed, rather than corrupt their ancient culture. So when Santa arrives, along with two Earth children, Betty and Billy, Voldar starts plotting their demise. He immediately sends his henchmen, Shim and Stobo to sabotage the new toy factory so that it builds defective products. And when fellow Martian, the dimwitted Dropo, starts impersonating Santa around town and shows up at the toy factory, Voldar mistakes his identity for the real thing and kidnaps the faux Santa. Meanwhile, the real all-knowing Santa is a step ahead of the scheming and Voldar’s plans quickly unravel. But the big guy is too kind-hearted to leave the children of the planet sans Santa and he has a pretty good idea of who might make a suitable replacement for him on the planet.
While there may not be any huge box-office revenues to report or a list of Academy Award nominations, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is one of those films that is almost impossible not to like, despite its “B” status. And, although the film certainly didn’t boast an all-star cast, eagle-eyed viewers might notice that one of the Martian kids is actually a very young Pia Zadora.
Recent generations were re-introduced to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians as part of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show on Comedy Central. The cast poked fun at (skewered) the film in their own inimitable way, leading it to become one of the most popular episodes, one that airs every holiday season. And, although rumors of a remake have persisted for years, it would appear that this classic film is safe from being re-invented as of this writing.
To view the movie:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/24/holiday-movie-santa-claus-conquers-the-martians
RawStory.com review:
There are b-movies and c-movies and then there’s this holiday confection, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” The title alone should tell you everything you need to know about how seriously this 1964 release takes itself. We file this one under “So bad, it’s good.” Actually, make that under “So bad, it’s AWESOME.”
Merry Christmas!
*
RIP
Christopher Hitchens, 1949–2011:
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/12/In-Memoriam-Christopher-Hitchens-19492011
Vaclav Havel, Czech dissident, playwright, politician dead at 75:
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/12/18/world/europe/czech-republic-vaclav-havel-obit
Cheetah the Chimp, Johnny Weissmuller's sidekick in the Tarzan movies, at the age of 80, allegedly:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/nationnow/2011/12/cheetah-remembering-tarzans-hairy-sidekick.html
The Wilshire Grand Hotel in downtown Los Angeles:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-1223-wilshire-grand-20111223,0,2448939.story
NOT RIP: Jon Bon Jovi. Also, Taylor Lautner isn't gay...
Watch Live Baseball
http://www.watchlivebaseball.com/
Tune in to Watch Baseball Live Streaming online on your pc with instant access payments...
Watch Live NBA Online
http://www.watchlivenba.tv/
Watch all the top NBA games through high quality online streams...
The Jinn
http://www.thejinn.net/
UFO, alien, poltergeist, demon, ascended master, space brother, monster, Watcher, nephilim, reptilian, Grey, Bigfoot, ghost....
We don't actually know a single thing about life on other planets. Scientific evidence that extraterrestrials visit us doesn't exist.
Our belief that they do is fantastic modern mythology in the making.
However, there is enormous evidence that deceptive entities are masquerading as extraterrestrials.
There are unseen creatures that we share this Earth with.
They don't come from other planets.
They've been called many names: aliens, spirits, Etherians, Ultraterrestrials, and more.
In the Koran they are called the Jinn.
Information about the Jinn reads like a textbook description of UFO and other paranormal phenomena.
Discovering these entities gives you an essential key to understanding paranormal phenomena.
They are the major players behind our myths and most perplexing mysteries.
UFOs aren't extraterrestrial -- They're extradimensional.
*
Celente’s Trends Proven Accurate; What Will 2012 Bring?
Gerald Celente
Trends Research
December 16, 2011
“Wake-Up Call” Trend: The Decline of America trend is nowhere near bottom, and the worse is yet to come.
One year later: “Worse” has happened, as the country piles up more and more debt, politicians are gridlocked, paralyzed in some perpetual political traffic jam of inaction.
“Crack-Up 2011” Trend: Teetering economies will collapse, currency wars will ensue, trade barriers will be erected, economic unions will splinter...
One year later: The Sovereign debt crisis threatens both the European Union and Euro, currency wars are underway and the US and China are trading trade barbs.
“Crime Time” Trend: No job + no money + compounding debt = high stress, strained relations, short fuses. Hardship-driven crimes will be committed across the socioeconomic spectrum by legions of the on-the-edge desperate who will do whatever they must to keep a roof over their heads and put food on the table.
One year later: Thieves are stealing copper piping and cables, cooking oil and temple donation boxes; “Criminal recycling” is flourishing; in 2011 a record number of cyber crimes is reported to the FBI: more than 23,000 per month.
“Screw the People” Trend: As times get even tougher and people get even poorer, the “authorities” will intensify their efforts to extract the funds needed to meet fiscal obligations.
One year later: In the two-tier American justice system, the long arm of the law only reaches down to the low hanging fruit. Banks are slapped with slap on the wrist fines for billion dollar crimes, and like Jon Corzine, no crime time. But swift justice is readily dealt out for small time crimes. From closing down lemonade stands operating without a license to swat teams busting raw foods cooperatives, in America, Justice means “just us!”
“Students of the World Unite” Trend: “University degrees in hand yet out of work, in debt and with no prospects on the horizon, young adults and 20-somethings are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it anymore.”
One year later: Occupy Wall Street is just one of the scores of worldwide student protest movements, some of which have proven powerful enough to bring down governments.
“Crackdown on Liberty” Trend: A national crusade to “Get Tough on Crime” will be waged against the citizenry. And just as in the “War on Terror,” where “suspected terrorists” are killed before proven guilty or jailed without trial, in the “War on Crime” everyone is a suspect until proven innocent.
One year later: TSA strip searches of little old ladies; Obama backs bill “authorizing indefinite military detention of U.S. citizens.”
“Journalism 2.0” Trend: With its unparalleled reach across borders and language barriers, “Journalism 2.0” has the potential to influence and educate citizens in a way that governments and corporate media moguls would never permit.
One year later: Aleksai Navalny, an imprisoned young Russian blogger/Twitterer with some 200,000 followers, is “credited with mobilizing a generation of young Russians through social media, a leap much like the one that spawned Occupy Wall Street and youth uprisings across Europe this year.”
“Cyberwars” Trend: The demonstrable effects of Cyberwar and its companion, Cybercrime, are already significant – and will come of age in 2011. Equally disruptive will be the harsh measures taken by global governments to control free access to the web, identify its users, and literally shut down computers that it considers a threat to national security.
One year later: Iran proudly displayed a sleek, white U.S. drone that was used for spying on Iranians; Iranians were able to capture what US military officials privately told Bloomberg was a Lockheed Martin RQ-170 by hacking into its security code; PayPal shuts off service to WikiLeaks.
Gerald Celente was spot on with his Top Trends 2011. No one else came even close. To get a heads up on “History before it happens,” you’ll want the Top Trends 2012.
*
Why the Smell of Cinnamon Makes You Spend Money
Retailers know how to manipulate all our senses — and that includes our olfactory ones
Martin Lindstrom
December 16, 2011
http://ideas.time.com/2011/12/16/why-the-smell-of-cinnamon-makes-you-spend-money
Lindstrom's latest book is Brandwashed: Tricks Companies Use to Manipulate Our Minds and Persuade Us to Buy.
Every December, you vow it’s not going to happen and yet, without fail, you return home from your Christmas shopping with far more than you intended. Do you ever wonder why? The answer might surprise you, because you’ve probably been seduced by something you can neither see nor hear.
It was a perfectly normal kind of day when I was first struck by that feeling of Christmas in the air, the one that links directly to childhood anticipation of the festive season. The odd thing was that it was early November, yet my need for tangible symbols of the festive season had bitten like a bug. I studiously hit the streets of my neighborhood in search of the perfect tree. I bought decorations and wrote Christmas cards, only to realize that Nov. 5 was a little early to be mailing them.
I was astounded by my behavior. After all, I’m a 41-year-old man who’s long since stopped believing in Santa Claus. So what was it that led me to this neat pile of cards ready to be mailed a good six weeks before Christmas? In my attempt to understand, I went over the details of the days leading up to my own personal Christmas frenzy, and I tracked the origins of it back to a brief window of time as I changed flights in the Zurich airport. I noticed the duty free shops were already full of the colors of Christmas. There was a ginormous tree topped by a gleaming star, surrounded by images of Santas and reindeer and sleighs. But surely it would take more than clichéd icons to turn me into a Christmas zombie?
Not having anything else to go on, I investigated further. Turns out I was on the right path, for the truth of the matter was to be found in the mechanisms behind the displays. To be more precise, carefully camouflaged tubes strategically placed amongst the tinsel and glitz were piping in the sumptuous smells of Christmas: a perfect mix of cinnamon and pine.
Although it seemed I’d gotten to the nub of the issue, I was still perplexed. I mean, can a tube dispensing cinnamon and pine really compel me to embrace the Christmas spirit way ahead of time? Surprisingly, yes. Dr. Gemma Calvert, who is an expert in modern brain imaging based in Oxford, England, discovered the remarkable ability smells have to reactivate childhood memories. She exposed a group of volunteers to cinnamon and then viewed their reactions, using an fMRI scanner. As they breathed in the sweet spicy scent, their brains fired up — including the region responsible for authentic emotional engagement. It seems cinnamon is one of the main ingredients associated, over time, with baking and cider-making rituals and can kick-start an emotional journey whenever it wafts our way.
So while it might seem as though retailers are concentrating on everything that delights your eyes and ears, they also might be surreptitiously enticing you to buy more through your nose. And they might not even be doing it in a sneaky manner. This season, Trader Joe’s, Publix, and other supermarkets are prominently displaying heavily-scented “cinnamon brooms” by the check out — large, smelly bunches of twigs to hang inside your home and anoint with cinnamon oil when their pungency starts to fade. At Bed, Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, and other big-box stores, cinnamon-scented pine cones for sale greet you as you walk in the door. Take these items home and you might even get the urge to rush out shopping again. Christmas is in the air — quite literally!
Lindstrom is a marketing consultant and the author of Brandwashed. The views expressed are his own.
*
Konformist Book Club
The World's Greatest Conspiracies
http://www.atomicbooks.com/index.php/worlds-greatest-conspiracies.html
$21.95
Too unsettling to be buried in the shadows for far too long, the Pandora’s Box of information unleashed in this completely updated and expanded expose proves you just can’t get away from Them. Hidden agendas, massive cover-ups, diabolically sinister plots—if you can handle it, the lowdown on the latest right-under-your-nose conspiracies is right here, including: - 9/11: Islamic terrorism...or inside job? - George W. Bush: The real powers behind the leader of the free world - Atlantis Rising: the deep and wide mythology of a “lost” civilization - Elvis: Still everywhere, with new King-size theories aplenty - Cuidad Juarez: Who—or what—is behind the unsolved serial killings of more than 90 women in this otherwise sleepy border town? - Dick “Darth” Cheney: Dr. Evil for the New Millennium? - And many others that will have you looking over your shoulder With the sordid truth finally leaking more and more into the nightly news, this provocative compilation is crucial reading for seeing beyond what They want you to believe. Whether you’re a cynic or completely certain, this walk on the wild side will convince you of one thing: You should be very, very nervous. “Fills a desperate need in this paranoid era.” —Wired magazine
Jonathan Vankin / John Whalen
Publisher Citadel Press
Page Count 844pp
Publication Date June 29, 2010
ISBN 978-0806528786
The Man Cave Book
Jeff Wilser
Kindle Price: $9.99 includes free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
Paperback $10.19
What separates the men from the boys? The Man Cave.
Boyhood Fort Vs. Man Cave
Who's allowed
Boyhood Fort: Not girls—they have cooties
Man Cave: Not women—they have authority
Primary materials used in construction
Boyhood Fort: Wood, stuff your mom doesn't want
Man Cave: Particleboard, stuff your wife doesn't want
Key activities inside
Boyhood Fort: Goofing around, avoiding responsibility
Man Cave: Goofing around, avoiding responsibility
Peak periods of use
Boyhood Fort: After school, weekends
Man Cave: After work, weekends
Slumber parties with buddies?
Boyhood Fort: Yes
Man Cave: No
Food and beverages consumed
Boyhood Fort: Soda and unhealthy snacks
Man Cave: Beer and unhealthy snacks
Spend the night inside?
Boyhood Fort: Not as a habit, but it's been known to happen
Man Cave: Not as a habit, but it's been known to happen
Money spent on space
Boyhood Fort: As little as possible
Man Cave: As much as possible
Is this a phase you will outgrow?
Boyhood Fort: Yes
Man Cave: No
The Man Cave Book is a tribute to great and glorious man spaces and the craftsmen behind them. Complete with instructions and insights into creating your own unique refuge and shrine to beer, sports, and everything else that's right with the world, this is an essential manual for any man cave enthusiast.
About the Author
A former USMC Reserves squad leader and the author of The Maxims of Manhood, Jeff Wilser is a regular columnist on dating, nightlife, and pop culture who has contributed to GQ, Esquire, Glamour, MTV, and VH1.
Format: Kindle Edition
File Size: 8251 KB
Print Length: 192 pages
Publisher: HarperCollins e-books; Original edition (April 19, 2011)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
Language: English
ASIN: B004U73C1S
Text-to-Speech: Enabled
Amazon URL
Kindle Edition:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Man-Cave-Book-ebook/dp/B004U73C1S/thekonformist
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/Man-Cave-Book-Jeff-Wilser/dp/0062003925/thekonformist
*
Awesome Quotes
“You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of this country, much better.”
Matt Damon on Barack Obama
"The sound of five pretentious old guys joylessly grinding out sub-shoegaze drone and patting themselves on the back for being 'subversive.' It's more out of touch than a bunch of CEOs starting a drum circle at an Occupy rally and as sonically disastrous."
Entertainment Weekly, in naming the Lou Reed - Metallica collaboration Lulu the worst album of the year
*
YouTube Greatest Hits
Tiger Woods Amazing Miracle Shot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHMPpZVOfbI
16th Hole at the 2005 Masters in Augusta...
The Dark Crystal, Part 1 of 8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMnFMAF_0RQ
All eight parts are available...
Bill Hicks: On Letterman (1993)
The Cut Set
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vf340K_Ed0o
In honor of what would be his 50th birthday on December 16th:
http://alchemicalarchives.blogspot.com/
Hicks constantly faced problems with censorship. In 1984, Hicks was invited to appear on Late Night with David Letterman for the first time. He had a joke that he used frequently in comedy clubs about how he caused a serious accident that left a classmate confined to a wheelchair. NBC had a policy that no handicapped jokes could be aired on the show, making his stand-up routine difficult to perform without mentioning words such as "wheelchair". Hicks was disappointed that the TV audience didn't get to experience the uncensored Bill Hicks that people saw in clubs.
On October 1, 1993, about five months before his death, Hicks was scheduled to appear on Late Show with David Letterman, his twelfth appearance on a Letterman late night show but his entire performance was removed from the broadcast — then the only occasion where a comedian's entire routine was cut after taping. Hicks' stand-up routine was removed from the show allegedly because Letterman and his producer were nervous about Hicks' anti-religious jokes. Hicks said he believed it was due to a pro-life commercial aired during a commercial break. Both the show's producers and CBS denied responsibility. Hicks expressed his feelings of betrayal in a letter to John Lahr of The New Yorker. Although Letterman later expressed regret at the way Hicks had been handled, Hicks did not appear on the show again. The full account of this incident was featured in a New Yorker profile by Lahr, which was later published as a chapter in Lahr's book, Light Fantastic.
Hicks' mother, Mary, appeared on the January 30, 2009, episode of Late Show. Letterman played the routine in its entirety. Letterman took full responsibility for the original censorship and apologized to Mrs. Hicks. Letterman also declared he did not know what he was thinking when he pulled the routine from the original show in 1993. Letterman said, "It says more about me as a guy than it says about Bill because there was absolutely nothing wrong with that."
*
Retropedia: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
http://www.retroland.com/santa-claus-conquers-the-martians
Earthlings have long held an affinity for the jolly bearded fellow in the red suit that hands out Christmas presents each year. Is it any wonder that other planets might just be a little jealous that we haven’t shared St. Nick with the rest of the galaxy? Well, that all changed in 1964, when the Martians took matters into their own hands in the campy sci-fi classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It might not have given Citizen Kane a run for its money in terms of quality, but that hasn’t stopped numerous generations from gleefully embracing this one-of-a-kind B-movie that remains popular to this day.
The poor kids on Mars have a tough life, what with all of that forced educational programming that has left them little freedom to have fun. Luckily, they are allowed access to some good ol’ Earth television and, as a result, have become enamored by famed North Pole resident, Santa Claus. One particular set of Martian parents, Kimar and Momar (dad and mom, respectively) become aware of this trend, thanks to their kids Girmar and Bomar, and bring their children’s fascination with St. Nick to the attention of the all-knowing Martian, Chochem, who realizes the importance in letting the children of Mars have a little fun in their lives. To that end, he instructs the Martian leaders to head over to Earth and kidnap the famed Kris Kringle.
The idea is to have Santa set up shop on Mars and start churning out toys for the kids, but that doesn’t sit well with one particularly cantankerous alien named Voldar, who would rather see Santa killed, rather than corrupt their ancient culture. So when Santa arrives, along with two Earth children, Betty and Billy, Voldar starts plotting their demise. He immediately sends his henchmen, Shim and Stobo to sabotage the new toy factory so that it builds defective products. And when fellow Martian, the dimwitted Dropo, starts impersonating Santa around town and shows up at the toy factory, Voldar mistakes his identity for the real thing and kidnaps the faux Santa. Meanwhile, the real all-knowing Santa is a step ahead of the scheming and Voldar’s plans quickly unravel. But the big guy is too kind-hearted to leave the children of the planet sans Santa and he has a pretty good idea of who might make a suitable replacement for him on the planet.
While there may not be any huge box-office revenues to report or a list of Academy Award nominations, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is one of those films that is almost impossible not to like, despite its “B” status. And, although the film certainly didn’t boast an all-star cast, eagle-eyed viewers might notice that one of the Martian kids is actually a very young Pia Zadora.
Recent generations were re-introduced to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians as part of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show on Comedy Central. The cast poked fun at (skewered) the film in their own inimitable way, leading it to become one of the most popular episodes, one that airs every holiday season. And, although rumors of a remake have persisted for years, it would appear that this classic film is safe from being re-invented as of this writing.
To view the movie:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/24/holiday-movie-santa-claus-conquers-the-martians
RawStory.com review:
There are b-movies and c-movies and then there’s this holiday confection, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” The title alone should tell you everything you need to know about how seriously this 1964 release takes itself. We file this one under “So bad, it’s good.” Actually, make that under “So bad, it’s AWESOME.”
Merry Christmas!
*
RIP
Christopher Hitchens, 1949–2011:
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/12/In-Memoriam-Christopher-Hitchens-19492011
Vaclav Havel, Czech dissident, playwright, politician dead at 75:
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/12/18/world/europe/czech-republic-vaclav-havel-obit
Cheetah the Chimp, Johnny Weissmuller's sidekick in the Tarzan movies, at the age of 80, allegedly:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/nationnow/2011/12/cheetah-remembering-tarzans-hairy-sidekick.html
The Wilshire Grand Hotel in downtown Los Angeles:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-1223-wilshire-grand-20111223,0,2448939.story
NOT RIP: Jon Bon Jovi. Also, Taylor Lautner isn't gay...
The Best Christmas Gift Ever
On the morning after Christmas, my male cat Blueboy snuck outside while I was bringing in groceries. He's an indoor cat, but I let him play outside a little for exercise and fresh air while I am nearby. He didn't realize I wasn't there, and appears to have been confused where our apartment is. I was so heartbroken that I became extremely depressed, and little Fluffer was very sad as well about the disappearance of her boyfriend. For the first few days, I left food out for him in hopes of getting him back, and I believe I did see him once. Then on January 1st and 2nd, I decided to take more extreme measures and camped out with tuna for him outside in hopes to get him back. The good news is on January 2nd, the eighth day, he was found by neighbors & security and I was able to get him home.
Fortunately, it wasn't too cold this Xmas season, and my apartment is a gated complex and a large compound, so he had places to stay. (Cats rarely travel more than 300 feet from their home base.) I have bought a collar with a bell so I can hear him when he tries to sneak out again. All I can say is the return of Blueboy is far and away the best Christmas gift I have received in my life.
Above is a photo of Blueboy I took, after he came out from hiding and sleeping for 20 hours. He doesn't look too happy in the photo, but that's because I had to hold him in place for the photo. He is actually very happy. But happy or not, I wanted to show you his face, so you can see the face of the son I have fallen in love with.
Merry Xmas,
Robert
Fortunately, it wasn't too cold this Xmas season, and my apartment is a gated complex and a large compound, so he had places to stay. (Cats rarely travel more than 300 feet from their home base.) I have bought a collar with a bell so I can hear him when he tries to sneak out again. All I can say is the return of Blueboy is far and away the best Christmas gift I have received in my life.
Above is a photo of Blueboy I took, after he came out from hiding and sleeping for 20 hours. He doesn't look too happy in the photo, but that's because I had to hold him in place for the photo. He is actually very happy. But happy or not, I wanted to show you his face, so you can see the face of the son I have fallen in love with.
Merry Xmas,
Robert
Friday, December 2, 2011
'Merry Christmas' Simply Does Not Apply to a Pagan or a Jew
Baby New Year and Father Time
Steve Provost
The Provocation
Friday, November 25, 2011
http://www.theprovocation.net/2011/11/merry-christmas-simply-does-not-apply.html
I, Marcus, was walking down the Appian Way one day just outside of Rome. The date? Just prior to midwinter. The year? Oh, about 1009 A.U.C. (For you barbarians out there, this stands for anno urbis conditae - we in the empire count our years from the founding of our great city.)
Like many of my countrymen, I was preparing to celebrate the Saturnalia, a weeklong feast in homage to Saturn, the father of our great god Jupiter. My children were particularly looking forward to the school holiday, and I had procured a few gifts for them, as is the tradition. Myself? I was more eager to gamble a bit, as the ban on such wagers is lifted during the holiday.
On my journey, I came upon a man I did not recognize. I greeted him with the customary, "Io, Saturnalia!" but he grew indignant with me and said he would not be sacrificing to Saturn this season. No, he would not be sacrificing at all, but rather he would be paying homage to the birth of his savior, whom he called Chrestus.
"So," I joked with him, "you have taken the Saturn out of Saturnalia?"
But he just scoffed at me and went on his way. I could not help but think to myself that it was his loss. This Chrestus of his seemed like something of a killjoy.
Fast forward to the year 2764 A.U.C. - today, that is. The annual debate over how to greet someone on the streets is in full swing once again, except now, the shoe is on the other foot (which makes foot-in-mouth syndrome a little more painful).
The followers of Chrestus are in the majority these days, and very few people celebrate the Saturnalia anymore. The only consolation for the poor, neglected Saturn is that his image - that of an aged man with a flowing white beard - lives on in the form of a jolly old "elf" by the name of Santa. Quite a comedown for the father of Jupiter, but I suppose it's better than nothing. At least he still has a day and a planet named after him.
Instead of joking about taking the Saturn out of Saturnalia, however, many Christians are grousing about others taking the Christ out of Christmas, as their holy day has come to be called. Some of them have even compiled a Naughty or Nice list of retailers who who don't (naughty) and do (nice) make liberal use of the term "Christmas" in their advertising and store displays. It's hard to overlook the irony that the very phrase "naughty or nice" is associated not with Christ but with Saturn ... er ... Santa.
It's also hard not to chuckle at the vehemence with which Protestants defend the term Christmas. If you do take the Christ out of Christmas, what's left? Mass, that's what. And Mass is a ritual that is exclusively Catholic. Its central feature is the Eucharist, which involves partaking of a wafer and wine that Catholics believe literally become the body and blood of Christ. Protestants generally don't believe this (they view the ceremony in symbolic, rather than literal terms). And the Catholic Church discourages other Christians from taking part in the rite.
U.S. bishops have issued the following guidelines for receiving the Eucharist: "Because Catholics believe that the celebration of the Eucharist is a sign of the reality of the oneness of faith, life, and worship, members of those churches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Communion."
So Christmas - at least by that name - isn't a Protestant holiday at all. It's a Catholic one. It seems just a bit peculiar that Protestants, who have fought wars with Catholics over other seemingly trivial issues, should so readily accept - and so eagerly defend - a Catholic holy day! Shouldn't they call it "Christbirth" or some such?
The fact is, whether the name "Christ" or the word "Mass" is included in the name of the holiday doesn't really matter. Christians in other parts of the world get by just fine without referring to either Christ or the Mass at this particular season. For those who converse in Spanish, the typical greeting is "feliz Navidad," and the French wish one another a "joyeux Noel." The name of Christ isn't mentioned in either saying. In fact, noel comes from the Latin root natalis, which meant simply "birthday." Navidad, meanwhile, is related to the word "nativity," meaning "birth" - and stems from a related Latin root.
Whose birth? In modern parlance, the word nativity has come to be intimately identified with the birth of Christ. In the third century, however, a typical Roman using the word natalis at this time of year might have assumed you were talking about the god Mithra, who was also said to have been born on Dec. 25. Or perhaps Sol Invictus, the "invincible sun," which was at its weakest during the winter solstice and from that point forward began to grow stronger - or be reborn.
Enter Old Man Winter, who was known to the Romans as our friend Saturn and to the Greeks before them as Cronos - or "Father Time." Cronos was the father of Zeus, and his name literally meant "time."* It's preserved at the root of our modern words chronology and chronicles. To us, he's Santa Claus. Each year he gives way to the Baby New Year, who bears a remarkable similarity to Christ. That's why Santa and Christ belong together. It would be unseemly to greet a new solar year without saying a proper goodbye to the old.
But just how should we do so?
Different people celebrate this season in different ways. It all depends on one's perspective. And that's exactly the point - yes, I'm finally getting to it - of this article. Those who insist that "Merry Christmas" is the only proper greeting for this holiday wouldn't have enjoyed being on the other end of the stick back when the Saturnalia was all the rage. I'd wager they wouldn't have been particularly comfortable with all the "Io, Saturnalia!" greetings going around. In the same way, Jews, Muslims, Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists and others might not care too much about being wished a merry Christmas.
This is especially true for Jews and many Pagans, both of whom celebrate their own sacred days - Hanukkah and Yule, respectively - at this time of year.
The idea behind more general salutations such as "happy holidays" and "season's greetings" is respect. It's an admission that, hey, I don't know what holiday you happen to celebrate, but whatever it is, I hope it's a good one! How can someone complain about that? If you know someone else is a Pagan, wishing that person a merry Christmas can be an insult - it's a refusal to honor and recognize that person's right to celebrate the season as he/she pleases. The same goes for a Jew who wishes a Christian a happy Hanukkah.
If you think about it, it's absurd. It's like an American wishing everyone in Beijing a happy Fourth of July. It's like telling someone who doesn't like football to "enjoy the Super Bowl!" Or buying a litter box for someone who doesn't own a cat. Such salutations are superfluous at best, insulting at worst. So why should we think wishing a Jew "Merry Christmas" is any different?
When it comes right down to it, shouldn't our wishes be determined by the other person's tradition? Should we go around saying "Io, Saturnalia!" to Christians or "Happy Hanukkah" to Buddhists? Or wouldn't it be better to honor the traditions of others, just as we'd like them to honor ours? When it comes down to it, that's pretty much what the Golden Rule is all about. And that's something at least Christians should be able to live with.
* Editor's note: Cronos is traditionally depicted as carrying a scythe or sickle, much like the grim reaper. In Greek mythology, this referred to the fact that he had castrated his father in order to claim the throne of the gods. This probably explains why Santa carries around a bag of toys rather than a sickle. The moral of the story: Children shouldn't play with sharp objects.
Steve Provost
The Provocation
Friday, November 25, 2011
http://www.theprovocation.net/2011/11/merry-christmas-simply-does-not-apply.html
I, Marcus, was walking down the Appian Way one day just outside of Rome. The date? Just prior to midwinter. The year? Oh, about 1009 A.U.C. (For you barbarians out there, this stands for anno urbis conditae - we in the empire count our years from the founding of our great city.)
Like many of my countrymen, I was preparing to celebrate the Saturnalia, a weeklong feast in homage to Saturn, the father of our great god Jupiter. My children were particularly looking forward to the school holiday, and I had procured a few gifts for them, as is the tradition. Myself? I was more eager to gamble a bit, as the ban on such wagers is lifted during the holiday.
On my journey, I came upon a man I did not recognize. I greeted him with the customary, "Io, Saturnalia!" but he grew indignant with me and said he would not be sacrificing to Saturn this season. No, he would not be sacrificing at all, but rather he would be paying homage to the birth of his savior, whom he called Chrestus.
"So," I joked with him, "you have taken the Saturn out of Saturnalia?"
But he just scoffed at me and went on his way. I could not help but think to myself that it was his loss. This Chrestus of his seemed like something of a killjoy.
Fast forward to the year 2764 A.U.C. - today, that is. The annual debate over how to greet someone on the streets is in full swing once again, except now, the shoe is on the other foot (which makes foot-in-mouth syndrome a little more painful).
The followers of Chrestus are in the majority these days, and very few people celebrate the Saturnalia anymore. The only consolation for the poor, neglected Saturn is that his image - that of an aged man with a flowing white beard - lives on in the form of a jolly old "elf" by the name of Santa. Quite a comedown for the father of Jupiter, but I suppose it's better than nothing. At least he still has a day and a planet named after him.
Instead of joking about taking the Saturn out of Saturnalia, however, many Christians are grousing about others taking the Christ out of Christmas, as their holy day has come to be called. Some of them have even compiled a Naughty or Nice list of retailers who who don't (naughty) and do (nice) make liberal use of the term "Christmas" in their advertising and store displays. It's hard to overlook the irony that the very phrase "naughty or nice" is associated not with Christ but with Saturn ... er ... Santa.
It's also hard not to chuckle at the vehemence with which Protestants defend the term Christmas. If you do take the Christ out of Christmas, what's left? Mass, that's what. And Mass is a ritual that is exclusively Catholic. Its central feature is the Eucharist, which involves partaking of a wafer and wine that Catholics believe literally become the body and blood of Christ. Protestants generally don't believe this (they view the ceremony in symbolic, rather than literal terms). And the Catholic Church discourages other Christians from taking part in the rite.
U.S. bishops have issued the following guidelines for receiving the Eucharist: "Because Catholics believe that the celebration of the Eucharist is a sign of the reality of the oneness of faith, life, and worship, members of those churches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Communion."
So Christmas - at least by that name - isn't a Protestant holiday at all. It's a Catholic one. It seems just a bit peculiar that Protestants, who have fought wars with Catholics over other seemingly trivial issues, should so readily accept - and so eagerly defend - a Catholic holy day! Shouldn't they call it "Christbirth" or some such?
The fact is, whether the name "Christ" or the word "Mass" is included in the name of the holiday doesn't really matter. Christians in other parts of the world get by just fine without referring to either Christ or the Mass at this particular season. For those who converse in Spanish, the typical greeting is "feliz Navidad," and the French wish one another a "joyeux Noel." The name of Christ isn't mentioned in either saying. In fact, noel comes from the Latin root natalis, which meant simply "birthday." Navidad, meanwhile, is related to the word "nativity," meaning "birth" - and stems from a related Latin root.
Whose birth? In modern parlance, the word nativity has come to be intimately identified with the birth of Christ. In the third century, however, a typical Roman using the word natalis at this time of year might have assumed you were talking about the god Mithra, who was also said to have been born on Dec. 25. Or perhaps Sol Invictus, the "invincible sun," which was at its weakest during the winter solstice and from that point forward began to grow stronger - or be reborn.
Enter Old Man Winter, who was known to the Romans as our friend Saturn and to the Greeks before them as Cronos - or "Father Time." Cronos was the father of Zeus, and his name literally meant "time."* It's preserved at the root of our modern words chronology and chronicles. To us, he's Santa Claus. Each year he gives way to the Baby New Year, who bears a remarkable similarity to Christ. That's why Santa and Christ belong together. It would be unseemly to greet a new solar year without saying a proper goodbye to the old.
But just how should we do so?
Different people celebrate this season in different ways. It all depends on one's perspective. And that's exactly the point - yes, I'm finally getting to it - of this article. Those who insist that "Merry Christmas" is the only proper greeting for this holiday wouldn't have enjoyed being on the other end of the stick back when the Saturnalia was all the rage. I'd wager they wouldn't have been particularly comfortable with all the "Io, Saturnalia!" greetings going around. In the same way, Jews, Muslims, Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists and others might not care too much about being wished a merry Christmas.
This is especially true for Jews and many Pagans, both of whom celebrate their own sacred days - Hanukkah and Yule, respectively - at this time of year.
The idea behind more general salutations such as "happy holidays" and "season's greetings" is respect. It's an admission that, hey, I don't know what holiday you happen to celebrate, but whatever it is, I hope it's a good one! How can someone complain about that? If you know someone else is a Pagan, wishing that person a merry Christmas can be an insult - it's a refusal to honor and recognize that person's right to celebrate the season as he/she pleases. The same goes for a Jew who wishes a Christian a happy Hanukkah.
If you think about it, it's absurd. It's like an American wishing everyone in Beijing a happy Fourth of July. It's like telling someone who doesn't like football to "enjoy the Super Bowl!" Or buying a litter box for someone who doesn't own a cat. Such salutations are superfluous at best, insulting at worst. So why should we think wishing a Jew "Merry Christmas" is any different?
When it comes right down to it, shouldn't our wishes be determined by the other person's tradition? Should we go around saying "Io, Saturnalia!" to Christians or "Happy Hanukkah" to Buddhists? Or wouldn't it be better to honor the traditions of others, just as we'd like them to honor ours? When it comes down to it, that's pretty much what the Golden Rule is all about. And that's something at least Christians should be able to live with.
* Editor's note: Cronos is traditionally depicted as carrying a scythe or sickle, much like the grim reaper. In Greek mythology, this referred to the fact that he had castrated his father in order to claim the throne of the gods. This probably explains why Santa carries around a bag of toys rather than a sickle. The moral of the story: Children shouldn't play with sharp objects.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Top 10 Destinations for Holiday Lights
From dazzling Disney displays to brilliant boat parades, these 10 destinations mark a spectacular start to the holiday season. Elissa Richard, Y! Travel
http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-40883953
The holidays are just around the corner, and there’s nothing like an electrifying display of holiday lights to charge you up for the season and zap you with that jolly-good Christmas cheer. Luckily for us, there’s no place in the world that does holiday lights quite like the good ol’ U.S. of A., and we’ve rounded up a merry mix of small towns and sprawling cities that do it best.
From East to West, from dazzling Disney displays to brilliant boat parades, sparkling city skylines to mesmerizing megawatt-lined drives, when these top 10 destinations for holiday lights flip the switch, they mark the spectacular start to the holiday season, guaranteeing spectators a sparkling dose of over-the-top holiday spirit.
1. New York City, NY
The Big Apple is known for doing things bigger, better, and brighter, and the holidays are no exception, what with the city’s wondrous window displays, holiday concerts and events, bustling holiday markets, ice-skating rinks, chestnut-roasting street vendors, and seemingly endless street-to-street stream of shining holiday lights.
While you can hardly turn the corner without glimpsing a generous glimmer, some illuminations are simply not to be missed: Start with Rockefeller Center’s iconic towering tree, set aglow with some 30,000 bulbs that glisten down upon the ice-skating rink, bugling lit-up angels, and wide-eyed tourists through early January (lit November 30; free; http://www.rockefellercenter.com/). Tree-lighting fixes (all free) abound – try the South Street Seaport (lit November 25; http://www.southstreetseaport.com/), Lincoln Center (lit November 28, http://www.winterseve.org/), Washington Square Park (lit December 7; http://www.washingtonsquarenyc.org/), Bryant Park (lit November 29; http://www.bryantpark.org/), or the Metropolitan Museum of Art (lit November 29; http://www.metmuseum.org/); or, catch the lighting of the world’s largest Chanukah menorah – at 32-feet high and 4,000 pounds – on the southeastern corner of Central Park on December 20. Other highlights include downtown’s wonderful Winter Garden, where 45-foot-tall palm trees are offset by 100,000 white lights (lit November 29–January 8; free; http://www.artsworldfinancialcenter.com/) and the dangling dozen of illuminated 14-foot stars at the Time Warner Center (now–January 3; free; http://www.shopsatcolumbuscircle.com/).
Look to the city’s outer boroughs, too, for unique takes on holiday lights: We especially like the ostentatiously decorated homes (expect larger-than-life motorized displays, inflatable decorations, and a gargantuan gaggle of glaring lights) in Brooklyn’s Italian-American neighborhood of Dyker Heights (free). Overwhelmed on where to start? Sign up for an organized tour: CitySights NY offers 2.5-hour “Lights of the Holidays” tours of Manhattan (runs November 28–December 30, except Christmas; $44 adults, $34 kids ages 5 to 11; http://www.citysightsny.com/), while A Slice of Brooklyn offers a Brooklyn-based “Christmas Lights and Cannoli Tour,” on select dates in December ($55 adults; $45 children under 12; http://www.asliceofbrooklyn.com/).
2. Newport Beach, CA
For more than a century, Newport Beach’s “Christmas Boat Parade” has delighted spectators with a “Christmas-sea” feeling all its own. A fine flotilla of some 200 vibrantly decorated vessels, from multimillion-dollar yachts right down to simple canoes, glides through Newport Harbor as holiday music and costumed carolers fill the air with melodious merrymaking. The brilliant boat parade (it’s the oldest one in the country) attracts close to a million viewers; it’s held nightly from December 14 through December 18 and lasts about 2.5 hours – show up on the closing night for a fireworks finale. Viewing areas for the beaming 14-mile boat route are on the public beaches and establishments bordering the Balboa Peninsula, the Fun Zone amusement area (where you can hear live commentary from Captain Mike Whitehead, the official voice of the parade), and Balboa Island.
What’s more, many harbor-front homeowners and businesses participate in the annual “Ring of Lights” contest, showcasing their own elaborate holiday displays, while providing a striking backdrop to the boat parade (free; www.christmasboatparade.com). Well worth a detour, the historic Mission Inn Hotel & Spa in Riverside (set less than 50 miles away) is the setting for an extravagant showing of more than 3.6 million holiday lights in its “Festival of Lights” event; expect 400-plus animated figures, live reindeer, and even snow machine-produced flurries – come on opening night for a fireworks display, to boot (November 25-January 8; free; http://www.festivaloflightsca.com/).
3. Walt Disney World
It’s the happiest place on earth, and come Christmastime, it might just be the brightest place on earth, to boot! The Orlando area’s Walt Disney World Resort makes a business of holiday lights magic, with its coup de grâce event, “The Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights,” unfolding at Hollywood Studios. The theme park is blanketed by a staggering 5 million bulbs that sync up with animated displays for choreographed interpretations of holiday tunes – not to mention the artificial snow flurries, 3-D effects, and colorful decorations that crop up around every bend.
The exhibit – which began as an Arkansas family’s home Christmas light display that had spiraled into a statewide attraction – was transported to the park in 1995 and Disneyfied to an almost unfathomable scale (now–January 7, closed December 8; standard park admission applies, $85 ages 10 and up, $79 ages 3 to 9, taxes additional). Tack on a visit to the Magic Kingdom, as well, where “Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party” delights with live entertainment, a jolly holiday parade anchored by Santa himself, snowfall on Main Street, a holiday-themed light show on the Cinderella Castle (which is already draped with some 100,000 snow-white lights), and a fireworks finale (select nights from now–December 18; day-of event admission ticket is $62.95 ages 10 and up, $57.95 ages 3 to 9, taxes additional).
One thing’s for certain: The old "'twas the night before Christmas" poem certainly doesn't apply here, because with all of these lights, it'd be impossible for a mouse (in this case, Mickey and Minnie both!) – or anybody else, for that matter – not to stir.
4. Denver, CO
If you can sneak in a Colorado ski vacation before the new year, don’t miss a stopover in Denver, decked out with downright dazzling light displays during their “Mile High Holiday” events. December 2 and 3 see the “9NEWS Parade of Lights” march from the festively illuminated City and County Building (the city’s largest lighting display, it’s lit November 25) through the downtown Denver area, featuring nearly a million shiny lights, a dozen twinkling floats, soaring balloons, marching bands, and more (free; http://www.denverparadeoflights.com/). Also pop by the Denver Botanic Gardens’ “Blossoms of Lights” exhibition, where more than a million colorful holiday lights are integrated into the gardens, and further enhanced by extras like glistening ice sculptures and a strolling choir (December 2–January 1; $9.50 adults, $6.50 kids ages 3 to 12; http://www.botanicgardens.org/). Meanwhile, the Denver Zoo’s “Zoo Lights” event invites visitors to embark on a holiday lights safari – its 38 acres are embellished with more than 150 animated animal sculptures (December 9–January 1; $9 adults, $5 kids ages 3 to 11; http://www.denverzoo.org/).
5. Chicago, IL
Chicago’s frosty winter weather, festive events, and glittering lights make it a hotbed for holiday spirit. The 20th annual “Magnificent Mile Lights Festival” is at the city’s celebratory epicenter, where more than a million lights on 200 trees flank the famous shopping strip, with hundreds of shop’s holiday window displays adding to the appeal.
Don’t miss stepping in to see Macy’s 45-feet-high Great Tree, whose lights remain up through March 1 (free; http://www.themagnificentmile.com/). Meanwhile, downtown’s sparkling Christmas tree in Daley Plaza has been prettifying this plaza for 98 years; a Santa’s workshop for the kids and German-style Christmas market ensure the square is positively brimming with holiday cheer (remains lit through January 8; free).
6. Branson, MO
Nestled in southwestern Missouri’s scenic Ozark Mountains, the city of Branson transforms into a veritable winter wonderland each holiday season, bursting at the seams with lavish light displays and dozens of Christmas spirit-infused shows and events. For the most gleeful glitz, head to the 1880s-style theme park Silver Dollar City, site of “An Old Time Christmas,” with an elaborate light-and-music show showcasing no fewer than 4 million radiant lights and 1,000 decorated Christmas trees. Highlights include the musically inclined 5-story Special Effects Christmas Tree, which, along with the surrounding square, beams with over a million lights that “dance” to select Christmas tunes; there’s also a holiday light parade with light-embellished musical floats that runs twice each evening (now–December 30, closed Christmas Eve and Christmas; park admission of $55 adults and $45 ages 4 to 11 applies; http://www.silverdollarcity.com/).
Shift gear for some yuletide cheer at the “Branson Area Festival of Lights Drive-Through,” a mile-long drive set aglow with some 175 luminous displays (now–January 2; $12 per vehicle; http://www.explorebranson.com/), or opt for the “Trail of Lights,” winding through a 160-acre historic homestead, complete with themed sections, holiday music, and more than 4 million colorful Christmas lights – don’t miss the “Santa’s-eye view” from the atop the 230-foot-high tower (now–January 2; $10 adults, $5 ages 4 to 16; http://www.trailoflights.com/).
7. McAdenville, NC
For nearly six decades, the little North Carolina town of McAdenville (with a population shy of 700) lures some 600,000 visitors to witness its transformation into what’s been dubbed “Christmas Town USA.” A high-spirited partnership between town residents and a local manufacturing company allows the hamlet to trim more than 375 fir trees (they outnumber the households!) with nearly a half-million red, green, and white holiday lights. The trees range in size from 6-footers adorned with 500 lights to 90-foot-high behemoths bedecked in some 5,000 radiant bulbs. Recorded Christmas carols broadcast from a local church add to the high-powered Christmas feel. This year’s event runs through December 26, kicking off with the official lighting ceremony at the town’s Legacy Park on December 1 (free; www.mcadenville-christmastown.com).
Tack on a visit to the “Holiday Lights at the Garden” at the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden in nearby Belmont (just 5 miles away), where plants and trees are bedazzled with some half-million lights and are joined by a Christmas tree created by orchids, carriage rides, and more (November 25–December 31, closed Christmas; $12 adults, $6 children ages 4 to 12; http://www.dsbg.org/).
8. San Antonio, TX
San Antonio’s River Walk is always a hotbed of activity, but the holidays take it to new heights, particularly so in 2011, with the infusion of 20 times more Christmas lights (thanks to the city’s move to more energy-efficient LED lighting). You’ll find the bulk of the 1.8 million holiday lights garnishing nearly 200 trees (done up with 10,000 bulbs apiece) and on 20 holiday-hued bridges, all brightened up even further by carolers bellowing their tunes nightly from passing river barges (singers perform November 26– December 18). The festivities kick off on November 25 (and run through January 1), when the switch is flipped and the “Ford Holiday River Parade,” complete with an entourage of lit-up festooned floats, unfolds.
The quarter is also home to the luminous “Fiesta de las Luminarias” on select weekends (December 2–18), whereby some 6,000 luminarias (candle-lit paper lanterns) symbolically light the way for the Holy Family. Come by after December 3, and you’ll also get to ogle the “River of Lights” spectacle, featuring over 100 underwater lights and fiber optic-outfitted water features along the new Museum Reach section of the River Walk (free; http://www.thesanantonioriverwalk.com/). In conjunction with the amped-up display, the city is additionally holding its inaugural “Light Up Downtown Holiday Contest” in 2011, which has downtown business owners competing for the most creative holiday light displays – and your starry-eyed attention.
9. Virginia
Virginia is indeed for lovers – and holiday light lovers might just lead that pack! Coming together for one sparkling statewide spectacle, their “100 Miles of Lights” festival strings together illuminated extravaganzas between six cities (all set within a 100-mile span), including Richmond, Williamsburg, Newport News, Hampton, Norfolk, and Virginia Beach. Millions of holiday lights and family-friendly celebrations combine for this one-of-a-kind event, including Virginia Beach’s “McDonald's Holiday Lights at the Beach,” which refashions the boardwalk into a striking nautical- and holiday-themed light display, complete with a 40-foot-tall Christmas tree installed right on the beach – it’s the only time of year that vehicles can drive right on the boardwalk (now–January 1; $10 weekdays, $15 weekends per vehicle; http://www.beachstreetusa.com/).
On November 19, Norfolk’s “Grand Illumination Parade” unfolds, rolling out flashing floats, soaring balloons, marching bands, dancers, and a visit from Santa himself, all in celebration of the illumination of downtown Norfolk (lights stay up through January 1; free; www.downtownnorfolk.org/enjoy/hic). Another highlight is Newport News’ “Celebration in Lights,” an eye-catching, 2-mile, Yule-fueled drive past the forests, fields, and lakes of Newport News Regional Park, all beautified by more than 700,000 holiday lights and 200 illuminated displays (November 24–January 1; $10/vehicle; http://www.newport-news.org/).
10. Baltimore, MD
When it comes to Christmastime magic, it seems that “34th Streets” across the country are a bona fide breeding ground for just that. Just look to Baltimore’s Hampden neighborhood each holiday season, where for more than 60 years, a charming block of row houses on 34th street has been transformed into what’s been dubbed “Christmas Street” and the “Miracle on 34th Street.” Residents come together in a labor of love to bedeck their properties with a holiday hodgepodge of larger-than-life snow globes, flashing angels, musical trains, and blinking lights galore – a handful of the homes will even allow visitors inside to peek into their indoor Christmas wonderlands, as well (November 26–January 1; free; http://www.christmasstreet.com/).
Try and coordinate your visit with the colorful “Parade of Lighted Boats,” an event where more than 50 vessels festooned with holiday lights illustrate Baltimore’s nautical and Christmas spirit on December 3 (free; http://www.fpyc.net/). Plus, new for 2011, the harbor-front Power Plant building will shine with holiday lights, lasers, and 3D effects during early evening hourly show times (now–December 31; free; http://www.itsawaterfrontlife.org/).
http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-40883953
The holidays are just around the corner, and there’s nothing like an electrifying display of holiday lights to charge you up for the season and zap you with that jolly-good Christmas cheer. Luckily for us, there’s no place in the world that does holiday lights quite like the good ol’ U.S. of A., and we’ve rounded up a merry mix of small towns and sprawling cities that do it best.
From East to West, from dazzling Disney displays to brilliant boat parades, sparkling city skylines to mesmerizing megawatt-lined drives, when these top 10 destinations for holiday lights flip the switch, they mark the spectacular start to the holiday season, guaranteeing spectators a sparkling dose of over-the-top holiday spirit.
1. New York City, NY
The Big Apple is known for doing things bigger, better, and brighter, and the holidays are no exception, what with the city’s wondrous window displays, holiday concerts and events, bustling holiday markets, ice-skating rinks, chestnut-roasting street vendors, and seemingly endless street-to-street stream of shining holiday lights.
While you can hardly turn the corner without glimpsing a generous glimmer, some illuminations are simply not to be missed: Start with Rockefeller Center’s iconic towering tree, set aglow with some 30,000 bulbs that glisten down upon the ice-skating rink, bugling lit-up angels, and wide-eyed tourists through early January (lit November 30; free; http://www.rockefellercenter.com/). Tree-lighting fixes (all free) abound – try the South Street Seaport (lit November 25; http://www.southstreetseaport.com/), Lincoln Center (lit November 28, http://www.winterseve.org/), Washington Square Park (lit December 7; http://www.washingtonsquarenyc.org/), Bryant Park (lit November 29; http://www.bryantpark.org/), or the Metropolitan Museum of Art (lit November 29; http://www.metmuseum.org/); or, catch the lighting of the world’s largest Chanukah menorah – at 32-feet high and 4,000 pounds – on the southeastern corner of Central Park on December 20. Other highlights include downtown’s wonderful Winter Garden, where 45-foot-tall palm trees are offset by 100,000 white lights (lit November 29–January 8; free; http://www.artsworldfinancialcenter.com/) and the dangling dozen of illuminated 14-foot stars at the Time Warner Center (now–January 3; free; http://www.shopsatcolumbuscircle.com/).
Look to the city’s outer boroughs, too, for unique takes on holiday lights: We especially like the ostentatiously decorated homes (expect larger-than-life motorized displays, inflatable decorations, and a gargantuan gaggle of glaring lights) in Brooklyn’s Italian-American neighborhood of Dyker Heights (free). Overwhelmed on where to start? Sign up for an organized tour: CitySights NY offers 2.5-hour “Lights of the Holidays” tours of Manhattan (runs November 28–December 30, except Christmas; $44 adults, $34 kids ages 5 to 11; http://www.citysightsny.com/), while A Slice of Brooklyn offers a Brooklyn-based “Christmas Lights and Cannoli Tour,” on select dates in December ($55 adults; $45 children under 12; http://www.asliceofbrooklyn.com/).
2. Newport Beach, CA
For more than a century, Newport Beach’s “Christmas Boat Parade” has delighted spectators with a “Christmas-sea” feeling all its own. A fine flotilla of some 200 vibrantly decorated vessels, from multimillion-dollar yachts right down to simple canoes, glides through Newport Harbor as holiday music and costumed carolers fill the air with melodious merrymaking. The brilliant boat parade (it’s the oldest one in the country) attracts close to a million viewers; it’s held nightly from December 14 through December 18 and lasts about 2.5 hours – show up on the closing night for a fireworks finale. Viewing areas for the beaming 14-mile boat route are on the public beaches and establishments bordering the Balboa Peninsula, the Fun Zone amusement area (where you can hear live commentary from Captain Mike Whitehead, the official voice of the parade), and Balboa Island.
What’s more, many harbor-front homeowners and businesses participate in the annual “Ring of Lights” contest, showcasing their own elaborate holiday displays, while providing a striking backdrop to the boat parade (free; www.christmasboatparade.com). Well worth a detour, the historic Mission Inn Hotel & Spa in Riverside (set less than 50 miles away) is the setting for an extravagant showing of more than 3.6 million holiday lights in its “Festival of Lights” event; expect 400-plus animated figures, live reindeer, and even snow machine-produced flurries – come on opening night for a fireworks display, to boot (November 25-January 8; free; http://www.festivaloflightsca.com/).
3. Walt Disney World
It’s the happiest place on earth, and come Christmastime, it might just be the brightest place on earth, to boot! The Orlando area’s Walt Disney World Resort makes a business of holiday lights magic, with its coup de grâce event, “The Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights,” unfolding at Hollywood Studios. The theme park is blanketed by a staggering 5 million bulbs that sync up with animated displays for choreographed interpretations of holiday tunes – not to mention the artificial snow flurries, 3-D effects, and colorful decorations that crop up around every bend.
The exhibit – which began as an Arkansas family’s home Christmas light display that had spiraled into a statewide attraction – was transported to the park in 1995 and Disneyfied to an almost unfathomable scale (now–January 7, closed December 8; standard park admission applies, $85 ages 10 and up, $79 ages 3 to 9, taxes additional). Tack on a visit to the Magic Kingdom, as well, where “Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party” delights with live entertainment, a jolly holiday parade anchored by Santa himself, snowfall on Main Street, a holiday-themed light show on the Cinderella Castle (which is already draped with some 100,000 snow-white lights), and a fireworks finale (select nights from now–December 18; day-of event admission ticket is $62.95 ages 10 and up, $57.95 ages 3 to 9, taxes additional).
One thing’s for certain: The old "'twas the night before Christmas" poem certainly doesn't apply here, because with all of these lights, it'd be impossible for a mouse (in this case, Mickey and Minnie both!) – or anybody else, for that matter – not to stir.
4. Denver, CO
If you can sneak in a Colorado ski vacation before the new year, don’t miss a stopover in Denver, decked out with downright dazzling light displays during their “Mile High Holiday” events. December 2 and 3 see the “9NEWS Parade of Lights” march from the festively illuminated City and County Building (the city’s largest lighting display, it’s lit November 25) through the downtown Denver area, featuring nearly a million shiny lights, a dozen twinkling floats, soaring balloons, marching bands, and more (free; http://www.denverparadeoflights.com/). Also pop by the Denver Botanic Gardens’ “Blossoms of Lights” exhibition, where more than a million colorful holiday lights are integrated into the gardens, and further enhanced by extras like glistening ice sculptures and a strolling choir (December 2–January 1; $9.50 adults, $6.50 kids ages 3 to 12; http://www.botanicgardens.org/). Meanwhile, the Denver Zoo’s “Zoo Lights” event invites visitors to embark on a holiday lights safari – its 38 acres are embellished with more than 150 animated animal sculptures (December 9–January 1; $9 adults, $5 kids ages 3 to 11; http://www.denverzoo.org/).
5. Chicago, IL
Chicago’s frosty winter weather, festive events, and glittering lights make it a hotbed for holiday spirit. The 20th annual “Magnificent Mile Lights Festival” is at the city’s celebratory epicenter, where more than a million lights on 200 trees flank the famous shopping strip, with hundreds of shop’s holiday window displays adding to the appeal.
Don’t miss stepping in to see Macy’s 45-feet-high Great Tree, whose lights remain up through March 1 (free; http://www.themagnificentmile.com/). Meanwhile, downtown’s sparkling Christmas tree in Daley Plaza has been prettifying this plaza for 98 years; a Santa’s workshop for the kids and German-style Christmas market ensure the square is positively brimming with holiday cheer (remains lit through January 8; free).
6. Branson, MO
Nestled in southwestern Missouri’s scenic Ozark Mountains, the city of Branson transforms into a veritable winter wonderland each holiday season, bursting at the seams with lavish light displays and dozens of Christmas spirit-infused shows and events. For the most gleeful glitz, head to the 1880s-style theme park Silver Dollar City, site of “An Old Time Christmas,” with an elaborate light-and-music show showcasing no fewer than 4 million radiant lights and 1,000 decorated Christmas trees. Highlights include the musically inclined 5-story Special Effects Christmas Tree, which, along with the surrounding square, beams with over a million lights that “dance” to select Christmas tunes; there’s also a holiday light parade with light-embellished musical floats that runs twice each evening (now–December 30, closed Christmas Eve and Christmas; park admission of $55 adults and $45 ages 4 to 11 applies; http://www.silverdollarcity.com/).
Shift gear for some yuletide cheer at the “Branson Area Festival of Lights Drive-Through,” a mile-long drive set aglow with some 175 luminous displays (now–January 2; $12 per vehicle; http://www.explorebranson.com/), or opt for the “Trail of Lights,” winding through a 160-acre historic homestead, complete with themed sections, holiday music, and more than 4 million colorful Christmas lights – don’t miss the “Santa’s-eye view” from the atop the 230-foot-high tower (now–January 2; $10 adults, $5 ages 4 to 16; http://www.trailoflights.com/).
7. McAdenville, NC
For nearly six decades, the little North Carolina town of McAdenville (with a population shy of 700) lures some 600,000 visitors to witness its transformation into what’s been dubbed “Christmas Town USA.” A high-spirited partnership between town residents and a local manufacturing company allows the hamlet to trim more than 375 fir trees (they outnumber the households!) with nearly a half-million red, green, and white holiday lights. The trees range in size from 6-footers adorned with 500 lights to 90-foot-high behemoths bedecked in some 5,000 radiant bulbs. Recorded Christmas carols broadcast from a local church add to the high-powered Christmas feel. This year’s event runs through December 26, kicking off with the official lighting ceremony at the town’s Legacy Park on December 1 (free; www.mcadenville-christmastown.com).
Tack on a visit to the “Holiday Lights at the Garden” at the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden in nearby Belmont (just 5 miles away), where plants and trees are bedazzled with some half-million lights and are joined by a Christmas tree created by orchids, carriage rides, and more (November 25–December 31, closed Christmas; $12 adults, $6 children ages 4 to 12; http://www.dsbg.org/).
8. San Antonio, TX
San Antonio’s River Walk is always a hotbed of activity, but the holidays take it to new heights, particularly so in 2011, with the infusion of 20 times more Christmas lights (thanks to the city’s move to more energy-efficient LED lighting). You’ll find the bulk of the 1.8 million holiday lights garnishing nearly 200 trees (done up with 10,000 bulbs apiece) and on 20 holiday-hued bridges, all brightened up even further by carolers bellowing their tunes nightly from passing river barges (singers perform November 26– December 18). The festivities kick off on November 25 (and run through January 1), when the switch is flipped and the “Ford Holiday River Parade,” complete with an entourage of lit-up festooned floats, unfolds.
The quarter is also home to the luminous “Fiesta de las Luminarias” on select weekends (December 2–18), whereby some 6,000 luminarias (candle-lit paper lanterns) symbolically light the way for the Holy Family. Come by after December 3, and you’ll also get to ogle the “River of Lights” spectacle, featuring over 100 underwater lights and fiber optic-outfitted water features along the new Museum Reach section of the River Walk (free; http://www.thesanantonioriverwalk.com/). In conjunction with the amped-up display, the city is additionally holding its inaugural “Light Up Downtown Holiday Contest” in 2011, which has downtown business owners competing for the most creative holiday light displays – and your starry-eyed attention.
9. Virginia
Virginia is indeed for lovers – and holiday light lovers might just lead that pack! Coming together for one sparkling statewide spectacle, their “100 Miles of Lights” festival strings together illuminated extravaganzas between six cities (all set within a 100-mile span), including Richmond, Williamsburg, Newport News, Hampton, Norfolk, and Virginia Beach. Millions of holiday lights and family-friendly celebrations combine for this one-of-a-kind event, including Virginia Beach’s “McDonald's Holiday Lights at the Beach,” which refashions the boardwalk into a striking nautical- and holiday-themed light display, complete with a 40-foot-tall Christmas tree installed right on the beach – it’s the only time of year that vehicles can drive right on the boardwalk (now–January 1; $10 weekdays, $15 weekends per vehicle; http://www.beachstreetusa.com/).
On November 19, Norfolk’s “Grand Illumination Parade” unfolds, rolling out flashing floats, soaring balloons, marching bands, dancers, and a visit from Santa himself, all in celebration of the illumination of downtown Norfolk (lights stay up through January 1; free; www.downtownnorfolk.org/enjoy/hic). Another highlight is Newport News’ “Celebration in Lights,” an eye-catching, 2-mile, Yule-fueled drive past the forests, fields, and lakes of Newport News Regional Park, all beautified by more than 700,000 holiday lights and 200 illuminated displays (November 24–January 1; $10/vehicle; http://www.newport-news.org/).
10. Baltimore, MD
When it comes to Christmastime magic, it seems that “34th Streets” across the country are a bona fide breeding ground for just that. Just look to Baltimore’s Hampden neighborhood each holiday season, where for more than 60 years, a charming block of row houses on 34th street has been transformed into what’s been dubbed “Christmas Street” and the “Miracle on 34th Street.” Residents come together in a labor of love to bedeck their properties with a holiday hodgepodge of larger-than-life snow globes, flashing angels, musical trains, and blinking lights galore – a handful of the homes will even allow visitors inside to peek into their indoor Christmas wonderlands, as well (November 26–January 1; free; http://www.christmasstreet.com/).
Try and coordinate your visit with the colorful “Parade of Lighted Boats,” an event where more than 50 vessels festooned with holiday lights illustrate Baltimore’s nautical and Christmas spirit on December 3 (free; http://www.fpyc.net/). Plus, new for 2011, the harbor-front Power Plant building will shine with holiday lights, lasers, and 3D effects during early evening hourly show times (now–December 31; free; http://www.itsawaterfrontlife.org/).
The 7 Best Yetis Ever
Matt on 11/13/11
http://x-entertainment.com/updates/2011/11/13/the-7-best-yetis-ever
If you're unfamiliar with yetis, think "snowy Bigfoot."
Said to haunt the Himalayas, yetis (I prefer to acknowledge them as a species, not one standalone creature) are probably-not-real ape-like monsters who smell bad and eat people.
As with any cryptid with such a long and disconnected history, no two stories are ever the same. Sometimes, the yeti is huge. Other times, it's shorter than us. Some would have us believe that they're merely an unidentified species of gorilla with zero interest in humans, while others tell legends of yetis who will stop at nothing to tear our arms off.
The supposed physical traits of yetis – "abominable snowmen" – vary greatly even beyond their size. In some versions, they have dark fur. In others, they're the more classic white-furred sasquatches we all want them to be. Local legends can give yetis other names and personalities, but the basic gist – a snowy monster who can probably lift a car over its head – remains consistent.
There's nothing about yetis I don't like, and that has a lot to do with how they've been represented in pop culture. Free of the burdens of any "real life" origin story, the yetis of pop culture can be as big, fuzzy and capable of magic as their creators want them to be. And there have been some seriously big, fuzzy and magical yetis.
Below are my seven favorites. Some of them may stretch the definition of "yeti" a bit, but, for lack of a better reason explaining why I'm okay with including them, I just don't care.
#1: BUMBLE! (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special, 1964)
Being a kid in the '80s, I could count on one hand the number of Christmas TV specials that were guaranteed to air each year. Rudolph was one of them. It was already ancient by the time I saw it, but it held up, and I'd like to think that it still does today. There's a lot to love about that special, but nothing beats the giant, man-eating monster who turns amicable when you steal his teeth.
You know the story, I hope. When we first meet Bumble, he's a growling meanie who delights in venison. By the end, he's a toothless teddy bear who uses his immense size to help decorate Christmas trees. Go Bumble!
Sure, Bumble barely resembles any yeti from a "true" story. Considering that he's matched with talking reindeer and ugly toys who sing about their plight, so what? He's the yeti that real yetis should be: Taller than your house and willing to clean its gutters.
#2: THE WAMPA! (The Empire Strikes Back, 1980)
Ah, The Empire Strikes Back. As a Star Wars fan, I know its power. It's our standard response to anyone who blasts us for liking Star Warsy things. The one thing from that entire universe that even the most devout hater can't discount. "The good movie."
Truth is, I like them all, but ESB had an undeniable focus and quality that makes it easy to love even without coming up with excuses. It also has a great yeti.
The Wampa is the snow creature that almost eats Luke Skywalker near the film's start. I don't feel like researching the estimates, but let's say he was ten feet tall. (The Wampa, not Luke, though that would've been interesting.)
On the ice planet of Hoth, Wampas are the boss species. They're perfectly adapted for the climate, being so covered with white fur that they're both warm and completely blended into their surroundings. While normally preferring to eat Taun-Taun (horse-kangaroo hybrids), they'll make an exception for any Jedi stupid enough to get distracted on its home turf.
Wampas are sick fucks, too. They prefer to keep their prey fresh. Instead of slaying them outright, they'll hang 'em upside-down in their caves, and let their soon-to-be-victims watch them chew carrion for days before moving in for the kill.
Star Wars books, comics and games added so much more to Wampa lore: They can work in groups, and there are even Wampa subspecies in different sizes and colors. I still prefer the original, who managed to kill a Taun-Taun by scratching its chin for exactly 1.5 seconds.
#3: THE YETI! (World Championship Wrestling, 1995)
Just a short time before pro-wrestling broke out and became the hip and happening thing of the late '90s, it still clung to concepts that weren't really working anymore: "Characters" who could not have been real people, no matter how hard you thought about it.
Still, I always loved the goofy monsters of wrestling. When WCW introduced the "Dungeon of Doom," I was thrilled. Here, a collection of otherworldly "creatures" banded together to wreak havoc and kill Hulkamania. (To give you some idea, the Dungeon of Doom included wrestlers based on everything from a shark to the Loch Ness Monster.)
That same Dungeon of Doom also gave pro-wrestling its one and only yeti.
Most consider the Yeti's debut to be one of WCW's most embarrassing moments, but in retrospect, it was pretty freakin' awesome. Literally breaking out of a block of ice in the middle of the arena, our worst nightmares came true: A seven foot monster waltzed into the ring to pummel Hulk Hogan.
WCW's interpretation of a yeti was a little misguided, as he was obviously more of a mummy. The thousands of bandages meant that the rookie wrestler portraying him could barely move, thus limiting Yeti's offense to tapping and hugging.
In at least one future appearance (and there were only a few), the Yeti "thawed out" and began wearing a $20 Halloween ninja costume. He was never a star and everyone hated him, but for pro-wrestling's only yeti, I'll gladly tip my hat.
#4: BLIZZARD! (Primal Rage video game, 1994)
Primal Rage was a fighting game, similar to Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. The difference was that instead of controlling humans or even monsters who somewhat resembled humans, here, you made giant apes and dinosaurs kick each other in the heads.
Blizzard was one of the "virtuous beasts," literally the "god of good." He slung frozen projectiles and was worshiped by comparatively tiny people who wore blue clothes in his honor.
He's pretty much the uber yeti. All of the other yetis look at Blizzard and only wish they had his style. He shot ice. He beat up dragons. He had an edible fan club. Plus, no matter how rotten he acted, everyone remained convinced that he was a good guy. Behind closed doors, the Wampa seethes.
#5: THE YETI! (Expedition Everest, a Walt Disney World attraction)
Expedition Everest is the top attraction in WDW's Animal Kingdom park – a towering, mountain-themed roller coaster that shoots you backwards and forwards, through tunnels, with all sorts of dips and stops that all serve as appetizers, leading up to the best main course ever: A gnarly, audio-animatronic yeti who comes this close to eating you.
It's a great ride even without an abominable snowman, but factoring him in, it's worth the seventeen mile line. Disney does a great job of making the yeti seem like a huge deal. Even when you're nowhere near the coaster, ominous signs warn you of his presence. Then, if you survive the encounter, you're shuffled directly into a gift shop that sells everything from yeti plushies to yeti backpacks.
Fun fact: The yeti was and probably still is broken, unable to do the massive movements that made him such a star when the ride first opened. Instead, when you reach him, strobe lights and artificial winds will help mask the fact that the yeti can't do much on his own. Try not to notice. He's still a cool monster.
#6: GREY GORILLAS! (Congo, 1995)
Okay, maybe I'm pushing the definition of "yeti" a little too far this time, but I can't turn down an opportunity to reference Congo. One of my all-time favorite bad movies, this is an absolute feast of talking gorillas and sesame cake.
The "villains" of the film are a secret species of "grey" gorillas, who protect a cave filled with diamonds by absolutely tearing people apart. These gorillas have scarred and monstrous faces, and this paired with the right fur color makes them, at least on a stretch, yeti-esque.
Congo has its flaws, but it does a great job in building Grey Gorilla Suspense™. We start off with only the slightest glimpse, but by the movie's climax, there are around 200 hundred of them, attacking everything in sight. These hardcore warriors wouldn't even let laser fire halt their attempt to smash Tim Curry's skull. I don't see how creatures that badass and whitish grey could be anything but yetis.
#7: KIWA HIRSUTA! (Real life "yeti lobster!")
Kiwa hirsuta is a recently discovered crustacean nicknamed "yeti lobster" (or "yeti crab") for its lightly colored bristles, which resemble yeti fur. And also because nicknaming new crustaceans "yeti" is a good way to get press.
The idea that yetis would evolve into small lobsters has long been a theory of mine. God knows, hunters and thrillseekers have given the land versions enough grief. These have quickly replaced mantis shrimp as the sea creature I most want to own but never actually will.
Why am I writing about yetis now? I view X-E's Christmas season as having vaguely defined parameters, and a creature who is most at home in a pile of snow certainly fits within them.
Besides, Bumble's here!
http://x-entertainment.com/updates/2011/11/13/the-7-best-yetis-ever
If you're unfamiliar with yetis, think "snowy Bigfoot."
Said to haunt the Himalayas, yetis (I prefer to acknowledge them as a species, not one standalone creature) are probably-not-real ape-like monsters who smell bad and eat people.
As with any cryptid with such a long and disconnected history, no two stories are ever the same. Sometimes, the yeti is huge. Other times, it's shorter than us. Some would have us believe that they're merely an unidentified species of gorilla with zero interest in humans, while others tell legends of yetis who will stop at nothing to tear our arms off.
The supposed physical traits of yetis – "abominable snowmen" – vary greatly even beyond their size. In some versions, they have dark fur. In others, they're the more classic white-furred sasquatches we all want them to be. Local legends can give yetis other names and personalities, but the basic gist – a snowy monster who can probably lift a car over its head – remains consistent.
There's nothing about yetis I don't like, and that has a lot to do with how they've been represented in pop culture. Free of the burdens of any "real life" origin story, the yetis of pop culture can be as big, fuzzy and capable of magic as their creators want them to be. And there have been some seriously big, fuzzy and magical yetis.
Below are my seven favorites. Some of them may stretch the definition of "yeti" a bit, but, for lack of a better reason explaining why I'm okay with including them, I just don't care.
#1: BUMBLE! (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer TV special, 1964)
Being a kid in the '80s, I could count on one hand the number of Christmas TV specials that were guaranteed to air each year. Rudolph was one of them. It was already ancient by the time I saw it, but it held up, and I'd like to think that it still does today. There's a lot to love about that special, but nothing beats the giant, man-eating monster who turns amicable when you steal his teeth.
You know the story, I hope. When we first meet Bumble, he's a growling meanie who delights in venison. By the end, he's a toothless teddy bear who uses his immense size to help decorate Christmas trees. Go Bumble!
Sure, Bumble barely resembles any yeti from a "true" story. Considering that he's matched with talking reindeer and ugly toys who sing about their plight, so what? He's the yeti that real yetis should be: Taller than your house and willing to clean its gutters.
#2: THE WAMPA! (The Empire Strikes Back, 1980)
Ah, The Empire Strikes Back. As a Star Wars fan, I know its power. It's our standard response to anyone who blasts us for liking Star Warsy things. The one thing from that entire universe that even the most devout hater can't discount. "The good movie."
Truth is, I like them all, but ESB had an undeniable focus and quality that makes it easy to love even without coming up with excuses. It also has a great yeti.
The Wampa is the snow creature that almost eats Luke Skywalker near the film's start. I don't feel like researching the estimates, but let's say he was ten feet tall. (The Wampa, not Luke, though that would've been interesting.)
On the ice planet of Hoth, Wampas are the boss species. They're perfectly adapted for the climate, being so covered with white fur that they're both warm and completely blended into their surroundings. While normally preferring to eat Taun-Taun (horse-kangaroo hybrids), they'll make an exception for any Jedi stupid enough to get distracted on its home turf.
Wampas are sick fucks, too. They prefer to keep their prey fresh. Instead of slaying them outright, they'll hang 'em upside-down in their caves, and let their soon-to-be-victims watch them chew carrion for days before moving in for the kill.
Star Wars books, comics and games added so much more to Wampa lore: They can work in groups, and there are even Wampa subspecies in different sizes and colors. I still prefer the original, who managed to kill a Taun-Taun by scratching its chin for exactly 1.5 seconds.
#3: THE YETI! (World Championship Wrestling, 1995)
Just a short time before pro-wrestling broke out and became the hip and happening thing of the late '90s, it still clung to concepts that weren't really working anymore: "Characters" who could not have been real people, no matter how hard you thought about it.
Still, I always loved the goofy monsters of wrestling. When WCW introduced the "Dungeon of Doom," I was thrilled. Here, a collection of otherworldly "creatures" banded together to wreak havoc and kill Hulkamania. (To give you some idea, the Dungeon of Doom included wrestlers based on everything from a shark to the Loch Ness Monster.)
That same Dungeon of Doom also gave pro-wrestling its one and only yeti.
Most consider the Yeti's debut to be one of WCW's most embarrassing moments, but in retrospect, it was pretty freakin' awesome. Literally breaking out of a block of ice in the middle of the arena, our worst nightmares came true: A seven foot monster waltzed into the ring to pummel Hulk Hogan.
WCW's interpretation of a yeti was a little misguided, as he was obviously more of a mummy. The thousands of bandages meant that the rookie wrestler portraying him could barely move, thus limiting Yeti's offense to tapping and hugging.
In at least one future appearance (and there were only a few), the Yeti "thawed out" and began wearing a $20 Halloween ninja costume. He was never a star and everyone hated him, but for pro-wrestling's only yeti, I'll gladly tip my hat.
#4: BLIZZARD! (Primal Rage video game, 1994)
Primal Rage was a fighting game, similar to Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. The difference was that instead of controlling humans or even monsters who somewhat resembled humans, here, you made giant apes and dinosaurs kick each other in the heads.
Blizzard was one of the "virtuous beasts," literally the "god of good." He slung frozen projectiles and was worshiped by comparatively tiny people who wore blue clothes in his honor.
He's pretty much the uber yeti. All of the other yetis look at Blizzard and only wish they had his style. He shot ice. He beat up dragons. He had an edible fan club. Plus, no matter how rotten he acted, everyone remained convinced that he was a good guy. Behind closed doors, the Wampa seethes.
#5: THE YETI! (Expedition Everest, a Walt Disney World attraction)
Expedition Everest is the top attraction in WDW's Animal Kingdom park – a towering, mountain-themed roller coaster that shoots you backwards and forwards, through tunnels, with all sorts of dips and stops that all serve as appetizers, leading up to the best main course ever: A gnarly, audio-animatronic yeti who comes this close to eating you.
It's a great ride even without an abominable snowman, but factoring him in, it's worth the seventeen mile line. Disney does a great job of making the yeti seem like a huge deal. Even when you're nowhere near the coaster, ominous signs warn you of his presence. Then, if you survive the encounter, you're shuffled directly into a gift shop that sells everything from yeti plushies to yeti backpacks.
Fun fact: The yeti was and probably still is broken, unable to do the massive movements that made him such a star when the ride first opened. Instead, when you reach him, strobe lights and artificial winds will help mask the fact that the yeti can't do much on his own. Try not to notice. He's still a cool monster.
#6: GREY GORILLAS! (Congo, 1995)
Okay, maybe I'm pushing the definition of "yeti" a little too far this time, but I can't turn down an opportunity to reference Congo. One of my all-time favorite bad movies, this is an absolute feast of talking gorillas and sesame cake.
The "villains" of the film are a secret species of "grey" gorillas, who protect a cave filled with diamonds by absolutely tearing people apart. These gorillas have scarred and monstrous faces, and this paired with the right fur color makes them, at least on a stretch, yeti-esque.
Congo has its flaws, but it does a great job in building Grey Gorilla Suspense™. We start off with only the slightest glimpse, but by the movie's climax, there are around 200 hundred of them, attacking everything in sight. These hardcore warriors wouldn't even let laser fire halt their attempt to smash Tim Curry's skull. I don't see how creatures that badass and whitish grey could be anything but yetis.
#7: KIWA HIRSUTA! (Real life "yeti lobster!")
Kiwa hirsuta is a recently discovered crustacean nicknamed "yeti lobster" (or "yeti crab") for its lightly colored bristles, which resemble yeti fur. And also because nicknaming new crustaceans "yeti" is a good way to get press.
The idea that yetis would evolve into small lobsters has long been a theory of mine. God knows, hunters and thrillseekers have given the land versions enough grief. These have quickly replaced mantis shrimp as the sea creature I most want to own but never actually will.
Why am I writing about yetis now? I view X-E's Christmas season as having vaguely defined parameters, and a creature who is most at home in a pile of snow certainly fits within them.
Besides, Bumble's here!
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